


Strangers in a Strange Land

by KJaneway115



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Drama & Romance, Episode: s02e26 Basics Part 1, F/M, Family, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJaneway115/pseuds/KJaneway115
Summary: What if Paris, Suder and the EMH had not succeeded in retaking Voyager in "Basics", and the crew had been permanently marooned on Hanon IV? A/U.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for Hester for the 2013 VAMB Secret Santa Exchange. She provided the following request: "What if Paris, Suder and the EMH had not succeeded in retaking Voyager in "Basics," and the crew had been permanently marooned on Hanon IV? I'd like to see a glimpse of what life on the planet would have been like a year down the road. All I ask for is a strong J/C element; apart from that, you're free to go as easy or as hard on them as you like!"
> 
> Thank you to Hester for the truly inspiring request and to Mizvoy for the editing. Reviews, kudos and comments always welcome and appreciated.

**STRANGERS IN A STRANGE LAND**

**By KJaneway115**

* * *

  
**I.**  
  
 _“Our inheritance is turned to strangers, our houses to aliens.”_  
 _Lamentations 5:2_  
  
The sun beat down on the scorched earth, adding its heat to the fire that burned there.  As far as the eye could see, the once grass-covered area was now laden with molten, black rock.  Amidst the liquid blackness, tiny spurts of red, gold and orange glinted in pockets where the lava had not yet begun to cool.  Burning stubs of trees poked out of the black lake, showing no signs of life.  Their leaves had burned away hours earlier, and now only the stumps remained, smoldering amidst the cooling lava.  In the distance, smoke rose in wisps from a desolate plateau.  The mountain that had once stood tall and proud, its peak jutting towards the sky, now had been cut down, a shadow of its former self, its top flattened; it had spilled its guts all over the surrounding landscape.  The air was laden with dark soot.

On a ridge overlooking the devastation, a bedraggled group of humanoids struggled along, then stopped.  Ash clung to the fabric of their clothes and stained their faces with dark, sooty streaks.  It permeated their lungs, even through the makeshift air filters they wore, making it difficult for them to breathe.  The soot stung their eyes, and even the most stoic, stalwart members of the group found themselves wiping away tears and blinking rapidly, trying to avert the sting.  Some were crying in frustration and sadness, wrapped up in each other, holding on for dear life.  Others stood motionless, staring at the desolation before them.  Some spoke quietly, offering empty words of comfort to their companions.  Nobody moved.  Nobody acted.

Then a sharp voice cut through the silence.  “All right, people.  We need to find shelter before nightfall.  Akitu knows of some caves where we should be safe, but we’re estimating it will take...”  The petite, auburn-haired woman turned to the elderly man at her side and asked him a question in another language.  He replied in the affirmative, and she turned back to the group.  “It will take at least another two hours to get there.  If we want to arrive by nightfall, we have to move quickly.  Some of you will have to help the injured and the children.”

“But, Captain,” someone began to object.

“You heard what the captain said,” cut in a dark-haired, well-built man.  His tone was harsh; then it softened.  “There will be time to mourn later.  Right now what’s important is that no one else is lost.”

“Yes, sir.”

“All right, people,” said the captain, feeling an intense gratitude towards her first officer.  “Let’s move.”

Once again, the crew of the starship _Voyager_ began a journey towards a new home.  This was not the safe, comforting home that they had sought on Earth; it was harsh and unforgiving.  In the year since they had been living on Hanon IV, the planet had taken more than one of the men and women they considered family.  Just a few hours earlier, the lava had stolen what little they had beyond the meager possessions they could carry on their backs.  For the third time in a year, they had to move their disheveled, weary group to a new home.  This home was not what they had set out for when they had first begun their journey through the Delta Quadrant, but now, it was all they had.  
  


* * *

  
They made it to the caves just as the sun was setting, a fact they were all grateful for.  There were many dangerous creatures on Hanon IV, and their number only multiplied after sunset.  Akitu, the leader of the native tribe who had become their companions, had assured Janeway that these caves were devoid of the gulak, the giant serpentine creatures who ate people whole, but she had sent out her own investigative teams just to be sure.  Only Chakotay’s team had not yet returned, and she felt fear beginning to settle in the pit of her stomach.  _Not him, too_ , she prayed silently to whatever god would listen.  _Please don’t take him, too._

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.  “No worry, Kathryn.  Chakotay come back.”  

She turned and clasped the old man’s hand.  Although the natives had not been able to fully grasp the English language, the two groups had been able to learn enough of each other’s words to communicate.  On those occasions when they couldn’t communicate verbally, pictures and gestures usually managed to convey what was necessary.  It had been essential that the _Voyager_ crew and the natives work together to survive.      

Much as Janeway hadn’t liked the prospect of contaminating an alien civilization, especially one as primitive as Hanon IV’s, they’d had very little choice.  Akitu and his people knew the terrain.  They knew the flora and fauna, where to find edible plants and animals, and which caves were safe and which were not.  Ever since Chakotay had saved the girl Lita and Akitu had provided invaluable medicine to Samantha Wildman’s baby, the two groups had become one tribe.  They lived together, ate together, traveled together, celebrated together, and, like they would today, mourned together.

Just at that moment, Chakotay and his team emerged from one of the tunnels.  “Chakotay.”  She knew the extent of her relief showed on her face, but she didn’t care.  

He looked at her closely, even as he answered in his most professional tone, “Everything seems to be clear.  No sleeping giants in the surrounding area.”

“I tell you this,” Akitu said, throwing up his hands.

“I believed you, Akitu,” Janeway replied, “but you yourself said it is a long time since you were last here.”

The old man shook his head.  “Akitu know.  _Gulak_ no live _se ac du_.”  

Not understanding the native words, Janeway looked to Chakotay, who had picked up the native language even faster than she had.  “I think he’s saying they don’t live in this type of cave.”  Chakotay pointed at the rock wall behind them.  “I think it’s made of a different type of mineral than the caves where the _gulak_ live.”

Akitu nodded.  “ _Ti leka si_.”  _He understands._   Akitu took Janeway’s arm.  “Come.  Build fire.”

Kathryn sighed.  She’d known this would be coming.  They needed the fire not only to keep warm at night, but to perform the traditional native ceremony for mourning the dead.  It was a ceremony she had participated in six times since their arrival on Hanon IV, four times for a member of Akitu’s tribe, and twice for a member of her own crew.  Tonight they would be commemorating the lives of both, and she steeled herself against the onslaught of emotional pain.  She had to be strong for her crew.  She had to let them know it was going to be all right.  Somehow, she had to make sure they believed that, even if she didn’t.  She felt Chakotay’s hand on the small of her back, offering his silent support.  She tilted her head to look at him, giving him the best smile she could muster.  _Thank you._

Most of the group was already gathered around the fire.  Janeway surveyed them, what was left of her unkempt, worn out crew.  They had woken that morning to tremors, tremors that meant the volcano was about to erupt.  They had begun to pack immediately, preparing to move their camp for the second time in as many weeks.  But they hadn’t anticipated how quickly the volcano would blow nor the scale of the eruption.  It was several times bigger than any other volcanic eruption they had seen in the last year, and they had found themselves running for their lives ahead of the lava.

Freddy Bristow had fallen behind while trying to help Jenny Delaney, his pregnant wife.  The lava had overtaken them, and they had perished in flames.  Mariah Henley, William McKenzie and Amanda Porter hadn’t made it either.  Akitu had lost six of his people, including a five-year old child.  The memorial ceremony would commemorate the life of each dead member of the community, committing their spirits to the higher power that Akitu and his people worshipped.

Janeway looked around the fire at those who had gathered.  Many of Akitu’s people were huddled together.  Children clung to their mothers, needing comfort after the harrowing events of the day.  Sisters, fathers, brothers, aunts and uncles were sharing in tears, holding hands and offering comforting words and hugs.  As she walked past them, the captain squeezed a couple of hands, offering her support to Akitu’s people.  But her main focus was her own crew.  

The Maquis, as a general rule, seemed to be handling the situation better than some of the Starfleet personnel.  _They’ve been in circumstances like this before,_ she thought.  Running for their lives, surviving in the Badlands.  They had adapted to life on Hanon IV faster and more easily than the crew members who had spent most of their lives on a starship, or on a cultivated, first world planet like Earth or Vulcan.

Vorik sat near Tuvok, trying to absorb some of the older Vulcan’s calm, centered attitude.  Keith Rockefeller, Tony Reynolds and Michael Parsons sat clustered together, exchanging quiet words.  Janeway passed them, stopping to place a hand on Parsons’ shoulder.  “Doing okay, gentlemen?”

Keith nodded.  “We’re okay, Captain.  How are you holding up?”

“I won’t lie, Mr. Rockefeller, I’ve had better days.”

“So have we all,” interjected Reynolds.

“But we’re here.  We made it this far, and we’re not giving up, right?”

The three men smiled at the verve behind her words.  “Right!”

Janeway moved on to Samantha Wildman, who held one-year-old Naomi on her lap.  Neelix and Kes hovered nearby; Janeway had noticed that Neelix had begun to serve as a father figure to Naomi, something the child would need more and more as she grew older.  Kes seemed to accept the child, too, and harbored no resentment towards Sam or Naomi for their place in Neelix’s affections.  “How’s she doing, Sam?” Janeway asked.

Naomi’s eyes were shut as her head lay against her mother’s shoulder.  “She finally stopped coughing.  Kes whipped up another one of those potions, and it seemed to help.”

“Akitu has taught me so much about herbal medicine,” Kes said.  “I’m glad I could help.”

“All that soot can’t be good for such a little pair of lungs!” commented Neelix.

“It’s not good for any of us, Neelix,” Kes admonished.  “How are you feeling, Captain?”

“I’m fine, Kes.  Thank you for asking.”

“We managed to salvage a large portion of Kes’ herb stash in our packs,” Neelix explained, gesturing to the knapsacks that lay on the ground nearby.  “Don’t be shy about asking for anything you need.”  The Talaxian leaned closer to her and whispered conspiratorially, “I heard you coughing this afternoon along with everyone else.”

“Thank you for your advice, Mr. Neelix.  If it becomes a problem, I’ll certainly let Kes know, but for now, the old, the injured, and the children should be treated first.”  Naomi was the only child among the _Voyager_ crew; Jenny and Freddy’s baby would have been the second.  But there were several young ones among the natives.

In a dark corner, a few paces from the fire, Janeway saw B’Elanna and Harry nestled together.  The pair, who still often called each other by their original nicknames, ‘Starfleet’ and ‘Maquis,’ had become increasingly close since they had been marooned on Hanon IV.  In fact, Janeway was beginning to wonder if they might be more than friends.  She moved towards them.  “How are you holding up, Harry?  B’Elanna?”

“We’re okay, Captain,” B’Elanna said, just before she was stopped by a wracking cough.

Kim rubbed her back soothingly, a worried expression on his face.  “She’s been coughing like that for hours.”

“Go see Kes.  She has medicine that can help.”

“No,” Torres replied.  “Others need it much more than...”  She paused to cough again.  “...I do.  I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t sound fine to me B’Elanna.  Make sure you get some of that medicine.  That’s an order.”

“I’ll make sure she gets some, Captain,” Harry assured her.

“You’re no help...”  Cough.  “Starfleet.”

Janeway squeezed Harry’s shoulder and was about to move on when Akitu banged the small drum that signified the beginning of the ceremony.  She waited while everyone gathered around the fire, and then wedged in between Harry and Crewman Lydia Anderson.  

Akitu began to chant in a low monotone, and the male natives joined in with him.  Some of the _Voyager_ crew joined in as well.  Akitu named the dead from his tribe.  Then it was Janeway’s turn to do the same.  She stepped forward.  She had learned the words after Hogan’s death, on their second night on the planet, when Akitu had learned that one of her people had died.  They had barely been able to communicate with each other at that point, but somehow, he had understood that one of her people had passed away, and Akitu had taken time to commemorate Hogan, as Janeway repeated the words after him around the fire.

Now, she knew the words by heart.  “ _Zumbaya nus lec_.”  _Great spirits, hear our prayer._   “ _Dos kin filan so_.”  _Take our brothers to be with you._   “ _Fulan lur patrak_.”  _Protect their souls._ “Mariah Henley,” she intoned.  “William McKenzie.  Amanda Porter.”  She saw the tears begin to fall amongst her crew as those who were not already locked in someone’s embrace reached out to offer comfort to one another.  She pushed down the lump in her own throat.  She had to be strong for her crew.  They could not see her despair.  She had to be their hope.  But even with this knowledge, she doubted her ability to maintain her stoicism through this ceremony.

“Freddy Bristow,” she continued.  “Jenny Delaney.”  At this, Megan Delaney let out a loud wail, and Janeway saw Chakotay take Megan into his arms, sharing his strength with her.  “And...”  Her own voice cracked, but she forced herself to continue.  “And their unborn child.”

She stepped back into the circle, swallowing hard as Akitu continued the ceremony.  He sprinkled some colored sand around the fire, a good luck charm to attract the spirits, and then began to sing.  Gradually, everyone joined in.  The song’s melody was hauntingly beautiful, and Janeway felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes.  She did not know enough of the native language to understand all the words in the song, but she understood its meaning well enough.  _All-powerful spirits, take our brothers and sisters.  Give them the love and happiness that they never could enjoy in this life._

After the ceremony, Janeway completed her rounds, checking on everyone, especially the injured and those who had been particularly close to the deceased.  As she was walking back through the crowd, she heard B’Elanna and Harry arguing again.

“We have to tell her, Harry.  The captain wouldn’t like it if she knew we were keeping her in the dark.”

“I know, B’Elanna, but we need to wait for a good time.  She has so much weighing on her right now, can’t you see it?”

“When will be a good time?  I don’t know if there will ever be a good time, and I don’t know how much longer we can keep it a secret.”

“We’ll tell her, honey.  Soon, I promise.”

Neither had seen the captain approaching them from behind.  “Tell me what?”

Both Kim and Torres froze.  “Uh, nothing, captain,” Harry said quickly.

B’Elanna stepped in front of him, taking his hand in hers.  “It’s not nothing, Captain.”

She regarded their posture, protective of each other, connected by their joined hands, and attempted a smile.  “I’ve wondered for a while if this was coming.”

Harry gulped.  “You... you have?”

“I’ve seen the two of you get closer over the past several months.  Especially without Tom here, you’ve had to turn to each other.  There’s no shame in that.  I hope you don’t think I would be upset with you for pursuing a relationship.”

B’Elanna looked back at Harry, who stood up behind her and wrapped his arms protectively around her waist.  “It’s not only that, Captain,” he said.

Janeway, felt a lump in her throat, fearing what was coming next.  “What is it, then?”

“Well, Captain...” Harry started, but B’Elanna interrupted him.

“I’m pregnant.  We’re going to have a baby.”  
  


* * *

  
Later that night, when almost everyone had fallen prey to their exhaustion, Kathryn sat alone at the mouth of the cave.  Even as far as they had come from the volcano, the air still carried the stench of char and death.  It was hard to stomach, but the air in the cave wasn’t much better, and at least outside, there was a breeze.  Besides, she couldn’t stand to be cooped up inside with her crew anymore.  She had failed them all miserably, and looking at their weary faces only made her feel worse.  _I will get them home._ How many times had she said it?  How many times had she thought it?  And now, it would never happen.  

When Tom and the Talaxians hadn’t shown up after a week, she’d begun to have doubts.  When it had been a month, she began to worry.  After three months, she had known they weren’t coming.  She had still harbored the faintest hope that one of the few friendly races they had encountered might engage the Kazon, find her ship, and come looking for its crew.  But after today, she knew that all hope was lost.  Not only were they stranded on Hanon IV forever, but they were doomed to die one by one, in horrible circumstances, circumstances that could have been easily prevented had they had their technology accessible, but which were now entirely beyond their control.      

 _It’s your fault_ , she thought to herself.  _You stranded them here.  You walked right into Seska’s plot.  You failed to see the importance of the secondary command processors until it was too late.  You failed your crew.  You failed to keep your promise.  And now, they will slowly die, one by one, eaten by the gulak, consumed in fiery lava, beset with some alien disease, starvation, dehydration, hypothermia..._ The list of possible causes of death went on and on.  _This damned planet is nothing but a death trap.  And even those who live... what kind of life will it be?  Is it even a life worth living?_

And now, Harry and B’Elanna were going to have a child.  She had wanted to curse when they had told her, but instead, she had offered perfunctory congratulations.  Empty congratulations.  How could she congratulate the young couple on bringing a life into this barren wasteland, full of peril?

There was no one here now from whom to hide her tears, and she let them fall.  She heaved in great, gulping breaths.  Her eyes stung, her lungs burned, and she was besieged by a fit of coughing.  The more she tried to stifle it, the longer it continued.  She stumbled a little further away from the cave, to avoid disturbing the others, and her small body shook with the force of her coughs.

Suddenly, she felt a warm, strong hand on her back, a soothing voice in her ear, a cup being pressed into her hand.  “Here, Kathryn.  Drink this.”

She tried to raise the cup to her lips, but her body was shaking, and the cup was again removed from her hand and placed on the ground.  “Breathe, Kathryn.  Try to breathe normally.”

The air was coming in short bursts.  Not enough air.  Then her face was cradled between his two big hands, and her eyes were forced to meet his, reassuring, calm, soothing.  “Breathe in.”  She obeyed.  “Breathe out.”  Again, she did as she was told, his eyes on hers giving her no other choice.  “In and out.  That’s it.”  Slowly, her breathing returned to normal, and the cough abated.  Her airways were still burning, though, and her eyes stung with tears.  The cup was pressed back into her hands.  “Drink this.”

His tone gave her no choice, and she raised the cup to her lips.  She swallowed, and then made a face.

Chakotay chuckled softly.  “I didn’t say it was going to taste good.  But it will help with your cough.  Your airways will stop burning every time you take a breath.”

“How did you know?”

“I was experiencing those symptoms after a day of breathing that volcanic ash.  I figured you had to be, too.  I knew you would hide any discomfort you felt and refuse treatment until everyone else had been taken care of.”

“I thought everyone was asleep.”

Chakotay shook his head as he led her back towards the mouth of the cave.  “Couldn’t sleep.”  Silently, Janeway sat on a rocky ledge near the cave’s opening.  Chakotay sat beside her.

“Talk to me.”  His voice was quiet and gentle, yet filled with strength.

She stood up again, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the cave.  “B’Elanna’s pregnant.”

“I know.”

She whirled around to face him, the moonlight casting dark shadows over his face.  “You knew?!  Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place.  They wanted to tell you themselves.”  He paused.  “They told you _today_?”

“It wasn’t their choice.  I overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have.”

“I see.”  He paused again, thinking carefully before speaking.  “We knew this would happen.”

She resumed her pacing.  “But what kind of life is that child going to have?  What kind of life could any child have in this hellhole?”

“That’s not our choice to make.”

“What kind of heartbreak are B’Elanna and Harry setting themselves up for?  Not to mention the medical risks of carrying a mixed species child.  Anyone can be lost so easily here.”

“Didn’t we face the same risks on _Voyager_?”

She stopped, turning to face him again.  “How the hell can you say that?”

“Maybe we felt more protected there because we had deflector grids and photon torpedoes, but we lost people on _Voyager_ , too.”

“I’ve lost seven people in one year, Chakotay.  Eight if you include the unborn child.  Many of those deaths could have been avoided with transporters and medical technology.”

“How many did you lose when the Caretaker pulled _Voyager_ into the Delta Quadrant?”

She didn’t reply.  She didn’t need to.

“And that was in one day.  Life is unpredictable, Kathryn, whether it’s on a starship or Hanon IV.  Starfleet and Maquis alike, every one of us signed up for this life.  We knew the risks.”

“Jenny Delaney’s unborn baby didn’t sign up for this.  Nor did Harry and B’Elanna’s child.”

“When the child grows up, it can make its own choices.  For now, the parents have to choose for the child.”

“There are no choices to be made here, Chakotay.  Only survival.  We’ve been reduced to the bare minimum of human existence because I made a choice that stranded us all in the Delta Quadrant.”  Her voice cracked, her hold on her emotions slipping.  “I could rationalize it because we were saving an entire civilization, but then I decided to walk right into Seska’s trap.”

“We decided...” he started, but she wasn’t listening.

“I promised to get them home.  I swore I’d create a place where they could make a life for themselves, a life that goes beyond the bare minimum of survival.  We’re living like primitive cavemen.”

“Kathryn,” he tried to interject, but she continued to plow through, her emotions rising with her tone.

“I told myself I wouldn’t interfere if they wanted to seek out relationships, have families.  But then Freddy Bristow is screaming Jenny’s name and she can’t outrun the lava.  They were burning to death and I could do nothing, Chakotay.  Nothing!  Only keep running as I heard their dying screams behind me.”  Whatever tenuous hold she’d had on her emotions was long gone, and Kathryn was shaking with sobs, doubled over, falling to her knees.

Without a word, Chakotay was at her side, crossing the distance to her in two steps.  He pulled her into him, holding her trembling frame against his body.  He felt her arms reach around his neck to pull him in, and he held tighter.  He didn’t speak.  He just enveloped her in his arms, stroking her hair and keeping her close.  

Finally, she quieted and pulled away.  “Thank you,” she said softly.

“Any time,” he answered, tears glistening in his own eyes.

She sat down on the ground beside him, looking out at the desolate planet before them.  Sparks of hot lava still smoldered in some places, and the moonlight cast an eerie shadow across the whole landscape.  “I’m sorry,” she said after a brief silence.  “I don’t know what came over me.  We’ve lost people before, and it’s never affected me like this.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Kathryn.  We’re all grieving.”

“There was something about losing them all at the same time, and Jenny being pregnant.”

“A decision you never fully supported,” he supplied.

“It’s not that I didn’t support them...”  She caught his doubtful glance in the moonlight.  “All right, it’s true.  I can’t understand why anyone would want to have children on this godforsaken planet.”

“It may be the only way they can ever have a child.”  He paused.  “We may never leave here, Kathryn.”

She stared into the darkness.  In the distance, a beast howled--a terrible, lonely, hollow sound.  “I know,” she whispered.  “That’s what I can’t accept.”

“You’re going to have to accept it if you ever want to be happy here.”

She turned to face him and looked at him through pained eyes.  “How can I ever be happy here when they’re all suffering so much?”  A single tear slid down her cheek and he reached out to wipe it away with his finger.  

“I think you need to look again.  Life is hard here and there are terrible risks that we take every day.  But I don’t think everyone is as unhappy as you think.  You’re so overcome by guilt and anger that you can’t see past it.  You don’t think anyone else could feel differently than you, but they do.  Look at B’Elanna and Harry.  They’re trying to start a life here for themselves, and they’re not the only ones.”

She looked up at him, surprised.  “You mean...”

“Get some rest, and look around in the light of day.  Try to see things with a fresh perspective; don’t assume that everyone is suffering all the time just because you are.”  He felt her pull away from him, and he guessed why, softening his tone.  “I understand why you’re hurting, Kathryn.  To be honest, I’m hurting, too.  If I had never been with Seska, none of this would have ever happened.  I was the one who trusted her in the first place, brought her aboard my ship, and then aboard yours.  If there’s anyone who’s to blame for this mess we’re in, it’s me.”

It was her turn to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.  “Don’t blame yourself, Chakotay.”

He captured her hand between both of his and turned his body to face hers.  “I’ll make you a deal.  I won’t blame myself if you won’t blame yourself.”

Her chin dipped to her chest, and after a moment she brought her eyes back up to his.  “I’ll work on it, okay?”

He nodded.  “Deal.”  The creature in the distance howled again, but this time it sounded like it was closer, and Kathryn couldn’t help but shiver.  “Come on,” Chakotay said, standing up and extending a hand to help her.  “Let’s get inside.”  She nodded, keeping her hand clasped in his as they walked back into the cave.


	2. Chapter 2

**II.**  
  
 _“Neither shall ye build house, nor sow seed, nor plant vineyard, nor have any: but all your days ye shall dwell in tents; that ye may live many days in the land where ye be strangers.”_  
 _Jeremiah 35:7_  
  
A few weeks later, Michael Ayala found the forest.  When they had first come to Hanon IV, Janeway and Chakotay had decided that the best way to explore the planet was to send out survey teams.  Groups of four or five crew members went out together, for days or weeks at a time, in different directions, to explore the planet’s surface.

Ayala had just returned from one such mission, and the first thing he did was go to his old friend, a quiet excitement in his eyes as he whispered, “It’s beautiful, Chakotay.  Huge trees, plenty of shade, lots of building material.  It’s just two days’ walk from here.”

“Have you told the captain?”

Mike shook his head.  “We didn’t have a chance to explore it.  There might be drawbacks and dangers that we don’t yet realize, and it might not be a suitable place to live.  I wouldn’t want to get the captain’s hopes up only to have her be disappointed again.”

Chakotay smiled inwardly, wondering if Kathryn had any clue how much these people cared about her.  They called her ‘captain’ out of respect, but they looked at her with the affection of a friend or family member.  Since her breakdown in his arms a few weeks earlier, he had seen her make an effort to appear more cheerful, but he knew it was just a facade.  Mike’s news of the forest might truly lift her spirits; the chance to build houses, a town, a real civilization, was something Kathryn would relish.  “I’ll go out with the next survey team myself.  We’ll make a trip just to see this forest and spend several nights there.”

“You’d better be careful, Chakotay.  Those man-eating cave snakes might have a woodland cousin.”

“We’ll bring plenty of weapons and we’ll stay alert.  I’ve done this before, Mike.”

“I know, but we can’t lose you.  She can’t lose you.”  Chakotay’s expression darkened.  “At least take Tuvok with you.  He’s the best archer we’ve got.”

“All right.”

“Good.”

“Now get on back to Sandra.  I’m sure she’s missed you like hell while you’ve been gone.”

Ayala offered his old friend a wry grin and a wink.  “Now there’s an order I can’t refuse.”  Chakotay grinned back as Mike made his way back through the cave to the blanket he shared with Sandra Peterson.  

It was a hard life they were living.  There was no doubt about that.  Sleeping on rocky cave floors with only blankets for cushion, depending on the warmth of the fire and each other, gathering food and forging tools by hand.  It was a far cry from the luxuries they’d enjoyed on _Voyager_.  There was no privacy.  When someone got sick, everyone knew.  Couples tried to be quiet but couldn’t completely muffle the sounds of their lovemaking on cold, lonely nights.  

Chakotay knew that this had been the hardest thing for Kathryn.  Physical hardships she could take, but the lack of privacy had been hard for her to bear, and he suspected it made her distance herself from everyone even more.  On New Earth, she’d been able to escape into her own room at night, and she’d asked him to call her ‘Kathryn’ on the first day.  Here, there were no physical barriers, so felt she had to maintain the distance created by her title.

If they could build homes, furniture, separate rooms, it would make all the difference in the world.  The only question was how to convince her to let both him and Tuvok go on a survey mission together without arousing her suspicions.  
  


* * *

  
Janeway was surprised by how keenly she felt Chakotay’s absence.  She hadn’t realized how much she’d come to rely on him, not just for professional advice, but for comfort and companionship.  It didn’t help that her other most trusted friend and advisor, Tuvok, was also gone on the survey mission.  She had known they would be gone for days, possibly even weeks, but she hadn’t been prepared for the way she would feel in their absence.

This was the first time Chakotay had gone on a survey mission; his presence at the camp had always been considered necessary.  But they seemed to be safe for the moment, and the gravity of the previous eruption suggested that there wouldn’t be another for some time.  Chakotay had practically begged to go, and Tuvok had insisted on accompanying him.  In all honesty, she realized that the fact they even asked her permission was thoughtful of them.  There was nothing tying them to a command structure here.  She had only continued to follow one in order to maintain a sense of decorum.

She had been thinking a lot about her conversation with Chakotay on the night she had learned of B’Elanna’s pregnancy.  She had tried hard to do what he had asked and to look around with an open mind.  People did seem to be settling into their lives here and were perhaps even finding a modicum of happiness. B’Elanna and Harry had asked her to marry them after they had learned of B’Elanna’s pregnancy, and she had done so on a warm day, with _Voyager_ ’s crew and many of the natives as witnesses.  But the small measure of contentment they had found wasn’t enough, to her way of thinking.  

“Captain!”  Kes’ urgent call pulled her from her thoughts, and she looked up as the young Ocampan rounded the corner of the cave.  Kes’ face was filled with worry.

Janeway was on her feet instantly.  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s B’Elanna.”

Hurriedly, she followed Kes through the cave to the corner B’Elanna and Harry had claimed for their own.  B’Elanna was lying on the blanket, her head in Harry’s lap, as he stroked her hair.

“What happened?” Janeway asked.

“She was feeling a little tired last night,” Kim explained in a shaky voice.  “I thought it was just the pregnancy, but today she has a fever, and...”

“And what?”

Torres opened her eyes and looked at Janeway.  “And I’m bleeding a little... You know...”

“Kes, get Sam Wildman.  She has medical training and experience with babies.  And send someone to get Akitu.”

“Yes, Captain.”  Kes was running before the words were out of her mouth.

Janeway knelt down on the blanket and took B’Elanna’s hand, speaking with a confidence she didn’t feel.  “You’re going to be fine, B’Elanna, and so is your baby.”

“That’s right, honey,” said Harry softly.  “Don’t worry.”

In a few moments, Wildman returned with Kes.  They worked together to check Torres’ condition.  “You’re not bleeding much, B’Elanna,” said Sam.  “A lot of women have spotting at this point in a pregnancy.”

“Klingon women?” Torres asked doubtfully.

“To be honest, I’m not sure,” Kes admitted, “but many human women do, and you are half human.”

“It happened to me when I was pregnant with Naomi. Everything turned out fine.”  Sam and Kes tried to make B’Elanna more comfortable, propping her up with extra blankets.  Janeway did not let go of her hand, and whispered reassurances that were meant as much for Harry as for his wife.

It was not long before Neelix arrived with Akitu in tow.  “We came as fast as we could, Captain.”

As Akitu approached Torres, Janeway and Wildman stepped back, giving him space to examine the patient.  Akitu and Kes had formed a close relationship, and he spoke softly to her, allowing her to assist him.  Then he barked what sounded like an order, and Kes ran off hurriedly.

Janeway and Wildman exchanged a worried glance.  “Akitu knows how to help, Captain,” Neelix assured them.  As a veritable expert on Delta Quadrant languages, he had grasped Akitu’s language more quickly than the rest of _Voyager_ ’s crew.  While Janeway and many of the others could engage in basic communication, many of the details of the native language still eluded them.

Kes returned a few moments later with some herbs, a bottle of liquid, and a clay bowl.  She mashed the herbs together as Akitu watched, and when the mixture had become a thick paste, Akitu applied it to B’Elanna’s forehead.  Then he spoke to Kes too quietly for the others to hear.

Akitu stood to leave, putting a hand on Harry’s forehead.  “Spirits protect you.  Protect Lanna.”  Then, with a sympathetic glance at Janeway, he left the alcove.

“What did he say to you?” Harry asked.

“He’s familiar with this illness,” Kes replied.  “The compound he applied should lower her fever by tomorrow.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Kes’ expression grew grave.  “It will, Harry.”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“If it doesn’t work, he knows another cure for the illness, but the baby would most likely not survive.”

B’Elanna, who had been drifting in and out of consciousness, stirred, letting out an anguished cry.

“It’s all right,” Kes soothed.  “You’re going to be fine.”

“That’s right, B’Elanna,” said Janeway, grasping the younger woman’s hand again.  “The baby is strong just like its mother.  You’re both going to be fine.”  
  


* * *

  
That night, Kathryn lay awake on her blanket, staring up at the rocky cave ceiling in the dim glow of the firelight.  _Please_ , she thought.  _Please let B’Elanna and the baby be okay.  I’ll do anything to save them._   She knew it was an irrational thought, and that nothing she did could make any difference, but just the same, she silently prayed to spirits she did not believe in.

Her chest constricted and tears sprung to her eyes.  She found herself wishing for Chakotay’s calm, comforting presence, for the strength of his arms around her, for his gentle voice offering her sage advice.  But he was not here.  The survey team had been gone for over two weeks, and she was beginning to worry about them.  She would give him one more day, and then she would send out a search party.  

_Oh god_ , she found herself thinking.  _What if Chakotay is gone, too?_ He could have been eaten by the gulak, swallowed by molten lava or taken by some other as yet unknown dangerous force.  What if the whole team was lost?  She couldn’t bear to lose both Chakotay and Tuvok.  Kathryn turned over on her side and buried her face in the blanket, tears streaming down her cheeks.  What would she do without them?

She tried to breathe deeply and run herself through one of Tuvok’s meditation techniques, but she couldn’t blot the fear and worry from her mind.  As she lay there in the waning light, worse and worse scenarios played themselves out before her eyes.  B’Elanna losing the baby and then succumbing to the fever herself.  Tuvok arriving back from the survey mission carrying Chakotay’s mangled body.  Sending out a search party and finding no trace of the survey team at all.

_Stop it!_ she told herself angrily.  _You’re the captain.  You need to be strong for them.  You need to be their leader._   She closed her eyes and tried to find an image or a thought that would comfort her.  Eventually, she indulged in a rare fantasy and let herself imagine Chakotay’s strong arms around her, his broad chest pressed up against her back.  She imagined that he was here with her and that she felt safe and protected.  Then, finally, she drifted off into a troubled sleep.

* * *

 

She was woken a few hours later by a gentle hand on her arm.  “Captain?  Captain, wake up.”

“Chakotay?” she murmured, struggling to open her eyes.

“It’s me, Kes.”

Slowly, Janeway returned to consciousness, finding that her dream of being with Chakotay on New Earth was the furthest thing from reality.  The events of the past several hours came rushing back to her, and she sat up quickly.  “What is it, Kes?”

“B’Elanna’s fever broke.  The bleeding has stopped.  It looks like she’s going to be fine.”

With a long sigh, Janeway buried her face in her hands.  “Thank god.”

“She’s awake if you’d like to see her.”

“Yes.  Just give me a minute.”  She used the makeshift latrine they had constructed and splashed some cool water on her face from the river that ran through the cave.

When she reached Torres and Kim, they were sitting on their blanket, Harry’s arm wrapped around B’Elanna’s shoulders.  She watched as he pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead.  Kathryn smiled.  “How’s our patient?”

B’Elanna looked up with a tired smile.  “I’m fine, Captain.  Kes and Akitu say the baby is fine, too.”

Janeway sat down on the blanket beside them.  “I’m glad.”

“Thank you for being here,” said B’Elanna, reaching out to take the captain’s hand.  “And for the things you said.  I needed to hear them.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Janeway replied, squeezing Torres’ hand.  They talked for a while, and Kathryn was relieved to see B’Elanna feeling so much better, even though a part of her was still worrying about the survey team.  

By the time Janeway got up to leave, it was early morning, and the crew and the natives were beginning to shuffle around the cave.  “I should let you both rest.”

“No, Captain, please.  We’re happy to have your company,” said Harry.

Janeway was about to sit back down when a commotion began towards the mouth of the cave.  She heard excited voices and stood, starting towards the noise.  Someone shouted, “It’s the survey team!” and her heart seemed to stop in her chest.

Then he was in front her, bedraggled, exhausted, and the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.  A few quick steps, and she launched herself into his arms.  Chakotay was shocked, but she felt so good pressed up against him that he held her tightly and buried his face in her hair.  Around them, others were hugging and welcoming back the other members of the survey team.

When Kathryn finally pulled back, she looked up into his eyes and made a vain attempt to brush some of the dirt from his face.  “You look like hell,” she said.

“You look beautiful.”

She laughed.  “Chakotay, I don’t think that’s possible.  I’m living in a cave, I haven’t had a real bath in months, and I barely slept at all last night.”

He looked at her more closely, noting her red eyes and the dark circles under them.  His face instantly clouded with worry.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, now.  Everything is fine.”  She burrowed into his embrace again.  “Everything is just fine.  How was the survey mission?”

“It was a little rough,” he admitted, and it was her turn to pull back and look at him worriedly.  “But totally worth it,” he assured her, his face spreading into a wide grin.  “Kathryn, I have so much to tell you.”  He cradled her face in his hands.  “But first, you better tell me what’s been going on here.”

“Come on,” she said, slipping her arm around his waist and leading him towards B’Elanna and Harry.  “There’s someone who I think would like to see you.”

After they had visited with Torres and Kim, and Chakotay had reassured himself that his old friend was going to be okay, Janeway and Chakotay retreated to a quiet location.  “I’m so anxious to hear what you have to tell me,” she said, “but you must be exhausted.  I don’t want to keep you.”

He shook his head, reaching out to squeeze her hand, surprised when she didn’t pull away.  “It’s okay.  I think I’m equally anxious to tell you.  I just need something to eat.  It’s been pretty tough out there the past few days.  Really scrounging for food.”

“And of course you went without so that others could have,” Janeway said, squeezing his hand back.

He shrugged.  “I have a lot of experience going without.  I think Tuvok ate less than I did.”

“He’s a Vulcan.  Come on, Neelix usually has a pot of something going around this time.”

They each took a small bowl of a steamed grain that resembled cornmeal, and retreated to Janeway’s corner of the cave.  Once they were seated, Kathryn looked up anxiously, and Chakotay chuckled.  He could tell she was trying desperately not to ask him again about the survey mission, and he wondered at her sudden openness and acceptance of physical contact between them.  _Maybe she really did miss me.  The spirits know I missed her terribly._

“What are you laughing at?”

“You can’t stand it, can you?  Being kept in the dark.”

She gave an exasperated sigh.  “Out with it.  You can barely contain yourself, either.”

“That’s true.”  He put down his bowl and took her hands in his.  “But only because I think this is going to make you happy, Kathryn.”

She felt like she was holding her breath.  “What did you find?”

“There’s a forest.”  He watched as her eyes widened, and felt her grip on his hands tighten.  “A very large forest.  We weren’t able to traverse all of it in the two weeks we had.  As it was, we were really pressed to get back.  But it’s a good place, a place where we could make a home.  We could build houses out of that wood; we chopped down one of the trees to test it, and it’s good building material.  Four walls, doors, rooms, furniture, separate houses for separate families...  We could make our own little village, Kathryn.”

“No more sleeping on cave floors?” she whispered, her voice shaky.  He shook his head.  

“No more hearing everyone who’s sick or having sex or snoring,” he said, unable to keep the huge grin from his face.

“A real home,” she repeated softly.  “Our own village.”

He nodded excitedly, squeezing her hands.  “It will be a lot of work,” he cautioned.  “It won’t happen overnight.  We’ll probably have to move in small groups; not everyone will be able to live there right away.  But we can start with some lean-to’s, temporary structures where we can stay while we’re building.”

“How long will it take?”

“I don’t know.  If we all work together, a few months to have the basic structures up.  Longer for furniture and things like that.”

“Oh, god, Chakotay, a real bed!”  She exploded with joyous laughter and threw herself into his arms for the second time that day.  This time, he was prepared, and he cradled her against him, stroking her hair with one hand.

“A real bed,” he affirmed.  “I’ll make you a bathtub, too, Kathryn, with hot running water.  I’ll make it as soon as I can.”

She hugged him close and then pulled back to look at him, her arms still around his neck, his encircling her waist.  She looked deep into his brown eyes, finding the comfort and care there that she’d been seeking so desperately only a few hours earlier.  “I missed you,” she whispered.

“I missed you, too.”  He pulled her close again and felt her body gradually relax against him, her eyes closing.  When he heard her breathing even out, he shifted, rousing her from her semi-conscious state.  “You’re exhausted,” he said.  “I should let you rest.”  He started to stand up, but her hand stayed him.

“You’re exhausted, too.”  He nodded, searching her eyes, trying to understand what she was saying.  She tugged his hand again, and he sat back down next to her.  “Just... stay,” she whispered, putting their bowls aside and making room for him on the blanket.  “Just to sleep.”

Chakotay nodded and lay down beside her, spooning her and wrapping his arm around her waist.  He felt her settle against him and sigh contentedly, and he pressed a kiss into her hair.  “Sleep, Kathryn.  Sleep.”


	3. Chapter 3

**III.**  
  
_“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner.”_  
_Psalm 39:12_  
  
“Akitu, thank you for everything,” Janeway said, grasping the old man’s hand and pulling him into a warm hug.  “We will see you soon, and we’ll exchange messages every week.”

“Yes, Kathryn.  It is good time for you move on.  You need help, you call me.”  Akitu and his people were nomads; they had lived in the caves all their lives and did not want to be tied down to a single location, so they had decided not to move to the forest with _Voyager_ ’s crew.

“You’ve been a great help to us already, Akitu, you and all your people.  We are honored to have you among our friends.”

Akitu pressed his hands to his heart.  “Friends, no,” he said.  “Brother and sister.”

Janeway smiled.  “Brother and sister.”

“Spirits protect you.  Protect you new home.”

“Thank you, Akitu.  The spirits will protect you, too.”  And, taking one last look around the cave that had been her dwelling place for the past few months, Kathryn Janeway prepared to lead her crew to their new home.  

After Chakotay had first told her of the forest four months earlier, Janeway had gone on the next survey mission to see the place for herself.  With help from Tuvok, Vorik and Ayala, she had chosen the best location for their village.  They felled a few trees to create a clearing and set up the first few lean-tos so the first building team would have somewhere to sleep.  Led by Chakotay, twenty men and women went with the first team to begin building what would be the crew’s new home.  As more land was cleared and more shelter became available, others went to join them.  

While Chakotay led the team at the building site, Janeway remained with the crew in the caves, overseeing their activities and continuing to learn what she could from Akitu and his people.  But now, it was time to move on.  Tuvok had reported back the night before that there was now enough shelter for everyone in the village.  The quarters would be somewhat cramped at first, but there were two long houses that would sleep thirty or forty people each.  It wouldn’t be much better than the caves, but it was a start.

The two-day walk to their new home would be hard for B’Elanna, now several months pregnant, and Renlay Sharr, who had just announced that she and George Rosa were expecting a child as well.  Janeway was concerned about Naomi, too, although the little girl had amazing fortitude for a small child.  

Akitu’s people had supplied them with food and blankets for their journey, and she felt that they were well prepared.  As she and Tuvok set off, leading the way for the forty or fifty crew members that had not yet made the journey to the new site, she felt excitement bubbling inside her for the first time in a long time.  They were not running away; they were not moving out of fear or necessity, but by choice, taking steps to a better life.  She felt invigorated.  For the first time since they had arrived on Hanon IV, she felt a spring in her step and a smile on her face.

“I am gratified to see you so optimistic, Captain,” Tuvok said from her side.

“I am optimistic, Tuvok.  This is the first time since we’ve come here that I really feel like we have a chance at making something for ourselves, something that is more than the barest survival.”

“We do indeed have a rare opportunity.”

“I only wish we had some way of communicating with the Alpha Quadrant, even if we never see them again, just to tell them about our experiences.”

“I share your sentiments, Captain.  Do not forget, there are many space-faring races in the Delta Quadrant.  It is indeed possible that one of them may find us here at some point.”

She nodded, using her hand to shield her eyes from the harsh glare of the sun.  “But in the meantime, we have work to do.”  She glanced back at the group following them.  They all seemed to be in equally good spirits.  Harry was helping B’Elanna along and Neelix was holding Naomi’s hand.  “They’re a good crew.”

“They have an excellent captain.”

Janeway felt herself blushing; a compliment from Tuvok was a rarity.  “I don’t know about that.  If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place.”

“Do not sell yourself short.  The fact that this crew has been able to survive, and even thrive in this harsh environment, is largely due to the strength of your leadership.”

“If that’s true, then Chakotay plays an equal part in it.  He’s been as much of a leader as I have, if not more so.”

“His strengths are different from yours,” Tuvok pointed out.  “You complement each other.  This was true on _Voyager_ , but has become even more apparent in this environment.  In some ways, this challenge is more suited to the commander’s talents than being on a starship.”

“He’s certainly better at living in the moment than I am.”  She thought for a moment before voicing a question that was frequently on her mind.  “Tuvok, do you think the crew is happy here?”

He considered the question for a moment before answering.  “This crew is resilient.  They will find a way to be happy in any circumstances.”  He paused.  “I do not think you should continue to blame yourself for their predicament.”

She gave him a wry look.  “Am I that obvious?”

“Only to one who knows you as well as I do.”

“Chakotay has said the same thing to me.”

“I am not surprised.  The commander is very observant.”      

Janeway lapsed into silence as they walked, the sand crunching under their shoes, shoes that Akitu’s people had taught them to make when their Starfleet issue boots had worn out in the harsh terrain.  Tuvok, as usual, had given her food for thought.  Chakotay was observant.  She had seen him help many crew members through the various challenges they had faced along their journey.  But her old friend had implied something else, too--that Chakotay knew her as well as Tuvok did.  She had known Tuvok for over twenty years, but had only known Chakotay for two.  Was it possible that he really knew her equally well?  

She had only seen Chakotay once in four months, but she had thought of him every single day.  Each night when she fell asleep on her blanket in the cave, she remembered the feeling of his warm, strong body pressed against hers.  Truth be told, she was nervous at the idea of seeing him now, not knowing if he had been thinking of her, too, or if he had perhaps been lying next to someone else while working on the new village.  Even if he had been thinking of her as much as she had been thinking of him, she hadn’t considered what the next steps would be for them.  Now, with the prospect of seeing him looming only two days away, she was forced to confront the question in her own mind.  Was she prepared to become involved with her first officer?  Former first officer, she hastily corrected herself.  Now that they would have a real village, _Voyager_ ’s command structure was truly meaningless.  A new hierarchy would naturally develop, and while she would likely have a leadership role, she could not ask the crew to follow her any longer.

On New Earth, she had just begun to see the possibility of something beyond friendship for her and Chakotay when _Voyager_ had returned for them.  When they had resumed their duties on the ship, they had agreed that anything beyond friendship was impossible as long as they were in a command structure.  “But when we get home...” she had said to him, leaving the sentence unfinished.  When we get home, we will be free to explore the possibilities.  

_Is this home?_ she asked herself, looking at the barren terrain that lay before them.  _Can I learn to accept it as such?_

“Captain?” Tuvok’s soft voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Denying yourself happiness will not ameliorate the crew’s situation in any way.  In fact, it may only make them more reluctant to display their own happiness, if they are indeed able to find it.”

She shook her head in disbelief.  “When did you become a mind-reader, Tuvok?”

“I am not a mind-reader.  But I do know you.”

“Yes, you do, old friend,” she replied, reaching out to grasp his shoulder.  “You certainly do.”

They walked for many hours, needing to reach the campsite before dark.  They had to stop more often than Janeway would have liked, for a poisonous snake in their path, a crewman who fell into a sand pit and had to be fished out, a mild case of dehydration.  Fortunately, the worst injuries had been a few bruises and scrapes, and they were nearly at the campsite.  They were running a little behind schedule, and dusk was already falling.  Janeway had wanted to arrive before now, so that they could have their fires roaring by the time darkness fell.  They would just have to work a little faster, she thought.

Finally, the camp was in sight.  All of the teams going back and forth to the new village had used this camping ground, so there were fire pits and tents already set up.  Suddenly, Janeway heard a scream from the back of the group.  She whirled around, and it took her a moment to find the source of the scream in the waning light.  

“Naomi!”  It was Samantha Wildman.

Both Janeway and Tuvok broke into a run, pushing through the crowd.  Others were also trying to see what was going on, and there was great confusion.  When Janeway and Tuvok reached Wildman’s side, they saw that Naomi had slipped over the edge of a steep incline and was lying in a ravine about two meters below them.  Standing a few meters away from the child was a large beast.  It had two horns on its head, and its body resembled that of a buffalo, large and hairy.  It flared its large nostrils and snorted loudly, observing the child that had apparently invaded its territory.  Then it glanced up at the top of the ridge and saw the other humanoids standing there.  It growled and bared its teeth, pawing at the ground, looking like it was preparing to charge.  Tuvok had silently armed his bow and aimed an arrow at the creature, but the whiz of the arrow alarmed the beast, and it moved faster than anyone expected.      

Out of nowhere, another figure appeared with a loud yell which seemed to confuse the creature.  With the beast momentarily distracted, the new entrant unto the scene mounted its large back, grabbing one of its horns with one hand.  The beast, who had forgotten about Naomi completely, bucked and kicked, trying to throw its rider like a bull.  Somehow, the rider managed to hold on, pulling an axe from a holster on his back with one hand and embedding it deep in the creature’s skull.  The beast sank to the ground with a horrid scream, shuddering with its dying breath.  Only as the rider disembarked and staggered away from the beast did Janeway recognize him.

“Chakotay!”  She skidded down the side of the ravine, sliding most of the way on her bottom, and ran towards him as soon as her feet hit the ground.

“I’m all right,” he managed breathlessly.  “Naomi...”

Janeway hurried to the girl’s side.  She was curled into a fetal position, sobbing.  “Naomi?  Naomi, it’s Captain Janeway.  Are you okay?”  She put her hand on the child’s back, and Naomi slowly opened her eyes and peeked up at the captain.  Janeway immediately picked her up, and Naomi clung to her, crying.

“Here, Captain,” Neelix called, reaching down to take Naomi off her hands.  “Hand her to me.”

Janeway passed Naomi up to him, and the Talaxian returned the child to her mother.  Then Harry, Tuvok and a few of the others gathered around to help Janeway and Chakotay out of the ravine.  They took the offered hands and then stood on the edge of the chasm, panting, still in shock at what had happened.  

Kes was already checking on the little girl, and quickly affirmed that other than a few scrapes and bruises, she was fine.  Then she hastily made her way over to Janeway and Chakotay.  “Captain, are you all right?”

“I think so, Kes,” Janeway replied, her voice shaking as she checked herself over for injuries.

Janeway turned to Chakotay and peered at him through the darkness.  Kes was doing the same.  Even in the dim light, both women could see a gash on his forehead.  “I need to have a better look at that cut,” Kes said.

Chakotay shook his head.  “We have to get to the camp and start the fires.  They don’t like fires.”

“You knew about those beasts?”

Chakotay was still breathing hard and looked a little unsteady on his feet.  Janeway reached out her hand to support him, still unable to believe what had just happened.  “Just... discovered them...” he managed.

“All right,” Janeway said, adopting her best command tone.  “We have to move, people,” she said, raising her voice so that the whole group could hear her.  “Everyone is fine.  We have to get to the campsite and set up the fires.”

The order seemed to jolt everyone out of their stupor and they moved quickly.  Neelix was holding Naomi and comforting Sam, and Chakotay put his arm around Janeway’s shoulders, leaning on her for support.  “You okay?” she asked him quietly.

Her glance up at his face answered her question as she saw him fight back the pain, gritting his teeth.  “Just... walk...” he grunted, tightening his grip on her shoulders.  
They made the rest of their way to the campground in silence, and, slowed by Chakotay’s injury, the two of them were the last to arrive.  By the time they made it to the camp, Tuvok and the others had the fires roaring.  Janeway helped Chakotay sit on a rock near the fire, and Kes was at his side immediately.

Kes had spent the past several months studying intently under Akitu, learning all of his herbal medicines and remedies.  She examined the cut on Chakotay’s forehead.  “This is a bad cut,” she said softly, “but I have something that will help it heal faster.  And I’m going to give you a tea that you need to drink.”  Kes immediately began to assemble a pumice which she spread over the wound.  “This will help the cut heal and ensure it won’t become infected.”  She disappeared for a moment and came back with a cup of hot tea.  “This will help with any headaches or swelling.  Make sure you drink the whole thing.”

Chakotay nodded, grunting his understanding.

“Captain, I want you to make sure he stays awake for the next few hours.  I’ll come back and check the wound then.  If there’s no swelling, he can go to sleep.”

“Thank you, Kes.”

“Call me if you need anything, Chakotay,” the Ocampan said.  “If you feel a sharp pain, dizziness or nausea, tell the captain immediately.”

“I will.”

As Kes moved away to tend to others, B’Elanna waddled over.  “How’re you doing, old man?”  She sat down next to him.

Seeing that Torres would tend to Chakotay for a while, Janeway excused herself to check on the rest of the crew.  She walked through the camp, making sure that everyone was doing all right.  She stopped to speak to Sam and Naomi for several minutes and was relieved to see that the child had returned to her usual, cheerful self.  “Thank you again, Captain, for saving her,” Samantha said, “and please thank Chakotay for me.”

“I will.”  Janeway made sure to speak to each and every crew member in the camp, and by the time she finished, Neelix and Kes were making their rounds with a stew made from the flesh of the beast that Chakotay had killed.  

By the time she returned to Chakotay’s side, B’Elanna was just getting up to go.  Janeway was relieved to see that he looked more alert than he had earlier, and was actually smiling.  “Feeling better?” she asked as she sat down beside him and handed him a bowl of stew.  He’d been forced to give up his vegetarian diet early on during their sojourn on Hanon IV; they’d had to eat whatever they could find.

“Much.  Just a headache, but that will pass.”

“What are you doing here, Chakotay?  I didn’t expect to see you until we reached the village tomorrow.”

“I was tracking that... thing,” he said.  “We’ve seen them a few times over the past few weeks.  Ayala was the one who figured out that the best way to kill one is to ride it like a bull and smash its skull.  I saw one this afternoon while we were gathering supplies.  I wanted to find out where it lived or if there were more of them.  When I realized it was headed towards the campsite, I got concerned, so I followed it to make sure it didn’t attack anyone.”

“We’re lucky you were here.”

He shrugged.  “Tuvok or one of the others would have gotten it eventually.”

“Yes, but it might have been too late for Naomi.”  She shivered, even though it was warm next to the fire.

He touched her shoulder.  “Are you all right?”

“Oh, I’m fine.  Just another close call.  Too close for comfort.”

“I think you’ll be happy with what we’ve done in the village,” he said, turning back to his stew and trying to change the subject to a happier one.

“I can’t wait to see.”

“Tomorrow, you’ll sleep under a roof, Kathryn.”

A roof.  A real roof.  For the first time in over a year.  “I almost feel nervous,” she admitted softly.  “I wonder if I’ve forgotten how to live in a civilized society.”

“We may not have had many amenities, but I think we’ve managed to remain pretty civilized.”

“You’re right.”  She turned back to her own stew, and they ate in silence.  Every few moments, one of them glanced surreptitiously at the other.

Finally, catching her staring at him, Chakotay chuckled.  “Do I have a growth on my face or something?”

“No.  No, not at all.  It’s just... strange.”

“What’s strange?”

She put her bowl down and wrung her hands nervously.  “Seeing you again after all this time.  For so long, I saw you every day.  Now it’s been over two months and we haven’t even spoken.  I thought about you so often...”  She trailed off; she hadn’t meant to admit that to him.

He saw her discomfort and placed his bowl down on the ground so he could take her hands in his.  “That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Kathryn.  I thought about you, too.”

She raised her eyes to his.  “You did?”

He nodded.  “Every damn day.  I wondered how you were, what you were doing, what you were thinking, how you were feeling, whether you were thinking about me, too.”

“Then we were thinking the same thing.”

Chakotay reached out to caress her cheek, and she leaned into his touch, realizing only at that moment how much she had craved it over the past four months.  He inched closer to her, his chocolate eyes sparkling in the glow of the firelight as he softly pressed his lips to hers, slow and sweet.  When they broke apart, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him.

She felt no more certain than she had that morning about the direction their future would take, but for now, she would allow herself this moment.  As they watched the orange and gold flames dance before them, she nestled against his shoulder, sheltered by the circle of his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**IV.**  
  
 _“Thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.”_  
 _Exodus 23:9_  
  
Avira Lo-bahri hummed absently as she stirred the pot of breakfast mush before her.  It was a beautiful day on Celtar Prime; the suns were shining bright, and there was not a cloud in the sky.  Avira had a good feeling about this day.  At least, she did until the moment that Ren stumbled into the kitchen.  His face was filled with confusion, his blue eyes darting around the room anxiously.  His dirty blonde hair was still mussed from his sleep, and his alien features looked even more strange than usual.  Avira extinguished the burner under her pot and helped Ren to sit at the table.

He looked up into her bright orange eyes.  “I had another dream, Avira, but this time I remember more.”

“What do you remember?”

“There was a ship.  This time I’m sure of it.  I was on a ship.”

“We know you were on a ship, Ren,” she said patiently.  “You came here in a ship, remember?”

“I know, but I was on another ship, much bigger than the one you found me in.  There were lots of other people on board, people who looked like me.”

“Others of your race.”

“Yes.  There was one with black hair and a yellow shirt.  He was... he was my friend.  And there was a woman.  I think she was the captain.  The ship had a mission.  We were trying...  We were trying to get somewhere.”

“I’m sure your mind is just combining images from your past with your own desire to find your true identity,” Avira said.  “You can’t take these dreams literally.”

“No!” he exclaimed, slamming his palm down on the table in a gesture that startled her.  “There’s more to it than that.  I’m sure of it.”  He paused, seeing that he had frightened her, and softened his tone, reaching across the table to take her hand.  “I want to go see the shaman,” he said, “whether you’re willing to go with me or not.  I want to see him.  I want to remember.”

Avira sighed.  She had known this day was coming; she had just hoped it would not be so soon.  “I’ll speak to my father about it, Ren.  I promise.”

“I’ll give you one day,” he replied.  “After that, I’m going, with or without your support.”

Wounded by his harsh tone, she left the table and returned to her pot of mush, trying to hide the tears that stung her tear glands.  “Have some breakfast,” she said, trying to force a cheerful tone.

“I’m not hungry,” he replied, and got up from the table, leaving the house out the front door.

Avira sighed heavily and looked after him.  It had been about a year since she had found Ren, unconscious and barely breathing, in the wreckage of his shuttle.  She had been out picking berries on a nearby hillside when she had seen evidence of a shuttle crash and followed it until she had found him.  

The Celtarians had only recently developed warp technology, and Avira had never seen an alien before.  She had been stunned and frightened by the appearance of the tall humanoid whose body was covered with a soft, white skin rather than the thick scales that covered Celtarians.  She had never seen a being with a light mop of hair on its head and was unsure what to make of the red substance running from its wounds.  Nevertheless, she had always been taught to help those in need, even strangers, so she had run back to the village, leaving her berry-picking basket on the hillside, and rounded up several of the young men to carry the stranger back to town.

She had instructed the men to bring the stranger to her own house, because her father was one of the most knowledgeable among her people about alien races.  He was a doctor, and together, they had nursed the stranger back to health.  However, when he had finally awoken, the alien had had no idea who he was or where he had come from.  Avira and her father had given him a common name, “Ren,” and had taken him into their house.

Ren had proven to be clever and resourceful.  He was good with machines and with the ships in particular.  He had helped modify the cockpits and propulsion systems of their newest shuttles and had been begging to pilot one of the vessels himself, but so far, he had not been permitted.  The elders were afraid that he would have a seizure at the helm and be suddenly incapacitated.  While Ren could normally function as well as any Celtarian male, he occasionally blacked out or became disoriented.  He was convinced that these episodes were his own memories trying to reassert themselves, but he could not persuade Avira and her father.  

More recently, the dreams had started.  Ren awoke disoriented or upset, always sure that he had seen some vision of his former life.  Avira’s father believed that the dreams were a product of stress, and were nothing more than Ren’s mind attempting to work through all that had happened to him, but Ren stubbornly disagreed.  He refused to give up on the idea that he would someday recover his former identity.  He carried with him one memento from his former life: a pin made of two gold bars overlain with a silver arrowhead.  He never took it off.

Ren had disclosed his hope of discovering his past to Yori, Avira’s cousin, and he had told Ren about the shaman.  The shaman lived in the mountains outside the city, and was a recluse who had seen more years than any other Celtarian still living.  It was said that he had secret magical powers, even that he could see into the future, and that he could work miracles.  Ren had come to believe that the shaman would help him remember who he was.

Alaman Lo-bahri, Avira’s father, had prohibited Ren from visiting the shaman, worried for the stranger’s safety.  But now, it looked like Ren was prepared to go to the shaman with or without Alaman’s blessing.  Avira’s scales rippled.  Somehow she needed to convince her father to let Ren visit the shaman, even if only to convince Ren that his hopes were unfounded.  

She didn’t see Ren the rest of the day; he had probably gone to the shipyards.  He was happiest when he was around ships, she had noticed.  That was the only time that the sadness and confusion really disappeared from his eyes.  The rest of the time, he seemed lost.

Alaman arrived home before Ren, and Avira told her father about Ren’s behavior that morning.  “It will pass, daughter,” Alaman said comfortingly.  “This is just a stage he’s going through.  We have to be patient.”

“No, Father.  Ren will never be satisfied until he finds out who he is.”

“That may not be possible.  We do not know enough about his species to be able to recover his memory.”

“But maybe the shaman can help him.”

“Nonsense,” Alaman scoffed.  “That old geezer may believe he’s a wizard, but he’s just a crazy old man, not a shaman.”

“You don’t know that, Father.”

“Yes, I do.”

Avira sighed and tried a different tack.  “Ren needs to know that he’s exhausted all his options.  He’s never going to take your word that the shaman can’t help him.  Maybe if we take Ren to the shaman, he’ll see that he’s really just a crazy old man, like you say.”

“I don’t know.  The journey up into the mountains is not an easy one.”

“That’s why we can’t let Ren go alone!”  Avira touched her father’s hand and knelt in front of him.  “Please, Father, give me permission to go with him.”

Alaman looked down into his daughter’s pleading orange eyes and sighed.  He had never been able to say no to her, just as he had never been able to say no to her mother when she was alive.  “All right, Avira, but on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going with you, too.”  
  


* * *

  
Two days later, the three set off early in the morning for the mountain where the shaman lived.  They went as far as they could in their hovercar, until the terrain became too difficult for the vehicle.  They had to walk the rest of the way up the mountain to the shaman’s cave.  Several hours later, they knew that they had reached the place.  A mystical aura seemed to surround the cave, and the thick odor of incense hung in the air.

“Hello?” called Alaman.  “Anyone here?”  There was no reply.

“I’m here to see the shaman!” called Ren.  “I need your help.”  Still, no one answered.  Avira and Ren exchanged a glance.  “Let’s go inside,” he said, taking a step towards the cave’s entrance.

“Wait!”  She reached out with her three long fingers.  “It might be dangerous.”

Ren shrugged her hand off his arm.  “I’m going,” he said resolutely.  “You can either join me or not.”  And he strode purposefully into the cave.  Avira and her father exchanged a glance and followed him.

The cave’s interior was dark, and the smoke from the incense grew thicker as they went farther into the darkness.  “Shaman!” Avira called.

After a few more paces, they saw a dim light ahead.  “There!” Ren said, pointing.  Hurriedly, they moved towards the light.  When they reached it, Avira gasped.  Before them was the oldest Celtarian she had ever seen.  His scales were grey and withered, his six fingers long and bony, his claws cracked with age.  His large eyes were closed and he sat, cross legged, in front of a small fire.  Around him, sticks of incense propped up in small stone figurines emitted a spicy scent.

“The shaman,” Avira breathed, astonished that the legend was actually true.

“Stay back, Avira,” her father warned.

At that moment, the shaman opened his eyes.  They were the brightest violet Avira had ever seen.  The corners of his lips turned up into a smile, revealing the bare gums in his mouth.  “There is nothing to fear, my child,” he said, looking right at Avira.  “I will not hurt you.”  Then he peered at Alaman.  “You do not believe in me.”  Alaman averted his eyes, suddenly feeling embarrassed, but the shaman shifted his attention to Ren.  “You are here to see me.”  It was a statement, not a question.

“Uh, yes.  I was wondering if you can help me.  I want to...”

“You want to know who you are,” the shaman interrupted him.

Ren swallowed hard.  “Yes.  Can you help me?”

“Sit down,” the shaman said in his thin, reedy voice, gesturing with a bony claw to the other side of the fire.  Casting a nervous glance back at Avira and Alaman, Ren obeyed.  The shaman reached into one of the figurines near him and took out a pipe, which he stuffed with a grayish green substance and then lit.  The shaman took a long draw on the pipe, his eyes closed, savoring the moment, and then handed it to Ren.

Ren was nervous.  He had no idea what was in the pipe the shaman had just handed him.  He didn’t even know how it would affect his species, although so far, most things that the Celtarians could consume hadn’t harmed him.  Part of him was afraid of what he might find if he could remember who he was.  What if he was an escaped convict?  What if he had done something horrible in his former life?  What if the life he had here with the Celtarians was better than anything he’d ever experienced before?  Did he really want to risk losing it?

“You hesitate,” said the shaman.  “Why?”

“What if the truth turns out to be something awful?” Ren asked, his voice shaking.

“I cannot help you decide,” said the shaman, “but if you wish to know the truth, this is your only chance.  You cannot return here again.”

This made Ren’s decision for him.  He wasn’t about to give up now.  He put the pipe into his mouth and inhaled.  Immediately, he felt dizzy and spots clouded his vision.  He was about to have an episode, he could tell.  A loud bang reverberated through his body.  A bright flash blinded him.  
  
  _He had been thrown against a bulkhead on impact, and he picked himself up off the floor, looking around.  Smoke was coming from a nearby conduit, lights were flashing all around, and a young woman’s body lay in front of him.  She had dark hair.  He crawled towards her and pressed his fingers against her neck.  “Paris, how’s Stadi?” he heard from behind him._  
 _“She’s dead,” he answered._  
 _Another voice came from a different part of the room.  “Captain, there’s something out there.”_  
 _“I need a better description than that, Mister Kim.”_  
 _“I don’t know,” the second voice replied, sounding confused, upset.  “I’m reading...  I’m not sure what I’m reading.”_  
 _“Can you get the view screen operational?”  He looked around to see who was speaking.  It was a woman with auburn hair pulled away from her face in a high bun.  She wore a red and black uniform.  She looked familiar._  
 _“I’m trying.”  The man was young, with black hair and a yellow uniform.  Familiar, too._  
 _He looked up at the view screen, which suddenly flickered to life.  A large metallic mass with several protruding arms appeared on the screen._  
 _“Captain, if these sensors are working, we’re over seventy thousand light years from where we were.”_  
 _FLASH!  BANG!_  
 _He was flying, flying faster than he had ever flown before, faster than anyone had ever flown before.  Warp 8.  Warp 9.  Warp 10..._  
 _FLASH!_  
 _He was sitting at a table across from the man with the black hair and the yellow uniform.  Harry.  The man’s name was Harry.  He was a friend._  
 _BANG!_  
 _He was in a cave with a woman with short, dark hair.  The woman was shaking; she was afraid.  He had to comfort her.  He wanted to make her feel safe again.  Tom.  She called him Tom._  
 _FLASH!_  
 _He was looking into the eyes of an old man.  The man was balding.  They were arguing about something.  The man was disappointed in him.  He knew that the man was his father._  
 _BANG!_  
 _He was outside, working under a hot sun.  All around him was green grass.  He wore a cumbersome electronic bracelet on his ankle.  He was focused on his work when suddenly a shadow appeared over him and he looked up.  “Tom Paris?  Kathryn Janeway.  I served with your father on the_ Al-Batani. _I wonder if we could go somewhere and talk.”_  
 _FLASH! BANG!_  
  
He opened his eyes, gasping for breath, and it took him a moment to remember where he was.  He whirled around, and his eyes met Avira’s.  “Tom Paris.  My name is Tom Paris.”  Avira’s eyes were wide, her face filed with fear.  Tom turned back to the shaman.  “I remember.  Thank you.”

The shaman bowed his head.  “It is my duty to serve.”

“How did you do it?” Alaman asked.  “How do we know that these are his real memories, not some kind of hallucination?”

“I have merely started the process,” the shaman replied.  “All of his memories will return in time.  This could not be accomplished if it were a hallucination.”

Alaman looked skeptical, and it was Tom who reassured him.  “Alaman, I feel like myself for the first time since I came here.  It’s not a hallucination.  I’m Tom Paris.  I’m from a planet called Earth.  I was on a starship and we were lost, very, very far from home.”

“What happened to your ship?” Avira asked.

Tom squinted, struggling to think back.  “I don’t remember.”

“Your memory will come back to you,” the shaman soothed, “but now, you must rest.”

“Come on,” said Avira.  “Let’s go.”

The shaman shook his head.  “Night has fallen.  You must all stay here tonight.  I will share my food and drink with you.”

Avira was about to protest, but her father held out his hand.  “He is right, Avira.  We should rest before we make the journey home.  We can return tomorrow.  Besides, Tom...”  His voice caught in his throat as he tried out the unfamiliar name.  “Tom needs to sleep.”  
  


* * *

  
_“Captain, if I can get a shuttle through the crossfire, I can go back and bring the Talaxians to help us.”_  
 _“Chakotay, take the conn.  Good luck, Lieutenant.”_  
 _There was weapons fire everywhere, and as good a pilot as he was, Tom struggled to maneuver the shuttle through safely.  He was hit.  His communications were down.  He saw the Kazon ship approaching_ Voyager _, closer and closer.  He had to get back to the Talaxian colony.  Somehow, he had to make it.  His shuttle was rocked with another blast._  
 _“Warning.  Vessel approaching on intercept course,” the computer said._  
 _“Damn it!  I don’t have time for this!”  Paris tried to go to warp._  
 _“Warp drive is off-line.”_  
 _The impulse engines were still working.  He set off at the fastest impulse speed the little shuttle could manage.  There was a bright flash of light, and then, darkness._  
  
Tom Paris jolted awake, his heart pounding, a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin.  He had thrown the covers off of the bed sometime during the night.  It had been nearly a week since his visit with the shaman, and just as the old Celtarian had promised, each night, a little bit more of his memory resurfaced.  Now, suddenly all the pieces fell into place.  He jumped out of bed, and without even putting on his bathrobe, hurried to find Avira.

She was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, probably preparing for the midday meal.  He peered at the window and realized he must have overslept; Celtar Prime’s twin suns were high in the sky.  “You better get some clothes on,” Avira said.  “My father is expecting you to help him today.”

“Avira, I remember everything,” he said urgently.  “My friends...  I have to help them.”

Avira had been a kind and patient friend ever since Tom had come to Celtar Prime.  At first, she had been the only Celtarian who wasn’t afraid of the strange looking, pale alien with no memory.  As time went on, she had remained his closest friend.  She heard the anguish in his voice, and put down her knife, turning to face him.  “Help who?”

“My friends.  _Voyager_ ’s crew.  The ship was taken by the... by the Kazon.  It was my job to go to the Talaxian colony and find help, but my shuttle must’ve been badly damaged, and I lost consciousness and crashed here.  I have to find out what happened to the rest of the crew.  They need my help.”

“Tom, hang on.  I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  Avira stepped towards him and ran her long, scaly fingers over his soft skin in an attempt to soothe him.

“The Kazon wouldn’t have killed all of them, I don’t think.  Well, they might have.  But either way, I have to find out what happened to them.”  He looked her directly in the eye.  “I need a ship.”

“Wait a minute.  I can’t understand half the words you’re saying.  Let me get my father.”  She pulled out a chair for him at the table.  “Why don’t you get dressed and drink some tea?  I’ll be right back.”

She hurried out of house to find Alaman, but Tom did not sit down.  He threw on some clothes, as Avira had suggested, and then began pacing back and forth across the kitchen, his mind racing.  What would Cullah have done to _Voyager_ ’s crew?  Doubtlessly, he and Seska would have wanted _Voyager_ for themselves.  But had they killed the entire crew?  Enslaved them?  Tom couldn’t picture Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay or any of the others being willing to work for the Kazon, so that, too seemed unlikely.  But did Cullah have the courage to murder a hundred and fifty people in cold blood?

Avira hurried back through the door, Alaman close on her heels.  “Sit down, Tom,” she ordered, “and start at the beginning.”  
  


* * *

  
It had taken him about two hours to tell Alaman the story of _Voyager_ , the Kazon, Seska, and how he, Tom, had been the crew’s last best hope for survival.  It had taken him another two hours to convince Alaman and Avira that he needed their help to rectify the situation, that _Voyager_ ’s crew might still be out there somewhere, and whether they were in a Kazon prison, enslaved to Cullah, or had been sent to an early grave, it was Tom’s duty to find them and help them.

Convincing Alaman to help him procure a ship had been yet another challenge.  And then Avira had announced that she wasn’t about to let Tom go alone.  This had started a whole new argument.  Alaman insisted that he wasn’t able to leave Celtar Prime for an extended period of time, and he didn’t like the idea of Avira running off alone with Tom.  The three had spent the better part of the day sitting around the table discussing logistics before they had finally agreed on a plan.

Now, Tom Paris was sitting in the pilot’s seat of a small Celtarian shuttle next to Avira.  Avira’s cousin Yori was sitting behind them examining the navigational controls.  “Are we all ready?” Tom asked.

“I’ve plotted a course, Tom,” said Yori, who had experience with Celtarian spacecraft.  “Based on your description of _Voyager_ ’s last known location, and the coordinates of your shuttle crash, I’ve extrapolated a logical course.”

Tom chuckled.  “Logical course?  You sound like someone I used to know.”  He looked at Avira.  “You ready?”  She nodded but looked nervous.  She had trained on many flight simulators in the two weeks since she had decided to accompany Tom on his journey, but this would be her first real space flight.  Tom reached over and touched her hand.  “Are you nervous?”  Avira nodded.  “That’s okay.  I was nervous before my first flight, too.”

“You were?”

Tom nodded.  “I was just a kid.  My dad took me out in an old shuttle.  I was deathly afraid of disappointing him.”  Avira was looking at him with wide eyes, and he noticed her curious expression.  “What?”    

“It’s just...  It’s nice to hear you talk this way, about your father, about your memories.  It makes me realize how much of you has been missing the whole time I’ve known you.”

Tom squeezed her hand.  “I wouldn’t be anywhere if it weren’t for you, Avira.”

She smiled.  “I’m excited.  I’ve spent my whole life looking up at the stars.  Now I’m going to be in the middle of them.”

Tom smiled, too, and turned back to the shuttle controls.  “There’s no better feeling in the whole universe.  Ready, Yori?”

“Ready.”

“All right,” Tom said, conjuring up images in his mind of a hundred other times he had powered up a ship and set off on a journey.  He heard Captain Janeway’s voice echoing in his head as he looked at his tiny crew.  “Let’s do it.”


	5. Chapter 5

**V.**  
  
 _“Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?”_  
 _Ruth 2:10_  
  
“Close your eyes,” Neelix ordered, “and put out your hands.”

B’Elanna did as she was told, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.  “Okay,” she said, placing her hands in front of her, palms up.  “I’m ready.”  

She felt an object land in her hands, and Neelix said, “You can open your eyes.”

She opened them to discover a small rattle, made from a bone and the tail of a snake.  She shook it to hear the sound it made.  “The baby will love it, Neelix.  Thank you!”

Neelix and Kes had decided that the first official party in the new village should be a baby shower for the expecting couple.  Almost the whole village had gathered in one of the long houses to celebrate B’Elanna and Harry’s child.  Neelix and Chell had cooked a veritable feast of cured meats, fruits and vegetables.  Neelix had even figured out how to make a dense sort of bread in a pan over the fire.  

The young couple had received handmade clothes, dried fruits, and even a simple little doll made by Megan Delaney.  Several of the crew had been working day and night on B’Elanna and Harry’s house, determined to have it finished by the time the baby arrived. 

Chakotay cleared his throat.  “I have something for you, too.”  He hurried out the door of the long house and returned a few moments later carrying something large that appeared to be rather heavy.  It was covered with a fur, and he set it down in front of the couple.  “Go on, open it.”

Harry and B’Elanna exchanged a glance and together reached down to uncover the object.  B’Elanna gasped.  “Chakotay, it’s wonderful!”

It was a cradle, beautifully crafted and intricately carved.  On the headboard was a design: a circle with a single dot in the center, and two arrows pointing at the dot.  Chakotay pointed to the carving.  “It’s a protection symbol, so that he or she will always be safe here.”

“Thank you!”  B’Elanna threw her arms around her old friend, and he hugged her as close as her pregnant belly would allow.

“You’re welcome.”  When he released B’Elanna, Harry approached the older man to thank him.  He extended his hand, but Chakotay pulled him into a hug, too.

Janeway found herself smiling as she watched the scene in front of her.  When the couple had finished admiring the cradle, she stepped forward with her own gift, a blanket she had made herself.  One of the animals on the planet had wool that could be spun into yarn; Akitu’s people had perfected the technique and had shown many of _Voyager_ ’s crew. 

“Thank you, Captain,” B’Elanna said, her face glowing.  “This is beautiful!”  The blanket was just the right size for a baby and was light green in color.  “It will be perfect for a boy or a girl.”

“Yes, thank you, Captain,” Harry added.

“Please, call me Kathryn,” she said softly.  Then she turned to the entire community.  “In fact, I think it’s about time all of you started calling me Kathryn.”  She paused and took a deep breath.  “I’ve appreciated your respect and support over the past year and a half.  It hasn’t been easy for any of us, and there’s been nothing to hold you to a command structure.  Yet, you’ve followed me.  You’ve respected my decisions and you’ve obeyed my authority.  I can never thank you enough for that.  But now it is time to start a new way of living.  We’re in a new community, now.  We’ll need leaders, and I’d like to be one of them, but I’m not your captain, anymore.  I’m just a citizen here, like the rest of you.”

“Captain... Kathryn,” Harry said, “I think I speak for all of us when I say that you’ll never be ‘just a citizen like the rest of us.’  We wouldn’t be where we are today without your guidance, your leadership and your strength.  We may call you Kathryn, but you will always be our captain, Captain.”

Everyone chuckled, and Neelix stood and raised his clay cup.  “To Kathryn Janeway.”

“To Kathryn Janeway,” everyone echoed.

Janeway felt her eyes becoming misty, and she swallowed hard to control her emotions.  Her glance met Chakotay’s and he smiled.  She raised her own glass.  “Thank you.  But this is not my moment or my party.  Please, let’s make a toast to Harry and B’Elanna, and their child.  May the wind always be at his back, and may he always be surrounded by the love of friends and family.”

“Hear, hear!” everyone echoed.  

The party continued.  Everyone congratulated the young couple and enjoyed the food and drink that Neelix and Chell had prepared.  It was sparse and simple compared to meals that they might have enjoyed on _Voyager_ or on Earth, but to them on that day, it seemed like the grandest feast they had ever tasted.

Chakotay found his way to Kathryn’s side.  “I never knew you were so talented at knitting.”

“My grandmother taught me.  I never liked it much when I was a girl; I was too busy looking through a telescope or burying my nose in a science book.  But sometimes on _Voyager_ , I found it was a good way to relax.  I made a blanket for Naomi when she was born, too.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Besides, it was a good way to spend all those long lonely nights by the fire back in the cave.”  Almost as an afterthought, she added, “And here in the long house.”  She hadn’t meant the accusation to creep into her tone, but somehow it had.

Chakotay looked chagrined.  “I know I haven’t been around much recently.”

“It’s all right.  I know you’ve had a lot on your plate.  We’ve all been busy helping to build Harry and B’Elanna’s house.”  Janeway looked up at him, barely veiled curiosity in her eyes.  Not only had he been busy during the day, but she hadn’t seen him around either of the long houses at night.  She had begun to wonder what he was up to, and whether he had found someone else to spend his nights with.

“I’ve been busy with something other than Harry and B’Elanna’s house,” he replied mischievously, his eyes dancing.

“Anything I might be interested in?”  She had picked up on his tone, and her curiosity was piqued.     

“Oh, maybe.  It’s almost ready, actually.”

“Come on, Chakotay, spill it.  What is it you’ve been working on?”

“I’m not going to tell you,” he said stubbornly.  Her face fell.  “But if you want to come with me, I’ll show you.”

She looked at him in surprise.  “Now?”

“There’s no time like the present.”

She burned with curiosity as she followed Chakotay out of the long house and through the village area, which currently consisted of the two long houses and a few other small cabins.  They passed B’Elanna and Harry’s nearly finished home, and he led her down a path through the forest.  The path was obviously well-traveled, and she grew more and more curious as they walked farther.  

At a certain point, Chakotay turned to her, barely able to contain his excitement.  “Close your eyes,” he instructed.  She did as he asked and felt him take her hands, leading her farther down the path.  After what she guessed was several meters, she felt him stop in front of her and release her hands.  “Okay,” he said.  “You can look.”

Kathryn opened her eyes and gasped.  In front of her, in the midst of a clearing, sat a small hand-hewn cabin built from logs laid horizontally and interlocked on the end with notches.  It had a front door and a window on each side.  An animal skin hung in the doorway, and the windows were also covered with skins that had been shaved and stretched thin to allow light to enter the cabin.  Over the door, she saw the same circular protection symbol that had been carved on the baby’s cradle.  “Chakotay,” she breathed, “you made this?”

He nodded, full of pride.  “Go on inside,” he said, his tone thick with emotion.

Tentatively, she walked up to the front door and pushed the large animal skin aside.  The interior of the cabin smelled of the wood it was made from and the animal skins that covered the windows.  There was one room, and in one corner sat a wooden bed frame with three corners built into the wall and a leg supporting the fourth corner.  Several large furs and animal skins formed the bedding.  In another corner was a small table with two chairs, and a few shelves built into the wall.  “You... you built all of this?”  She looked around the room again, and then looked at him.  

He stood with his hands in his pockets and tilted his chin towards one shoulder.  “It’s yours, Kathryn, if you want it.”  She was too shocked to reply, so he pressed forward, taking his hands out of his pockets and becoming more animated.  “It’s not really finished.  I want to put on a real door, and build a fireplace and a chimney.”  He gestured towards the vaulted ceiling.  “I could build a second story, too, someday, and add more rooms.”  He paused again, trying to gauge her reaction.  “I haven’t gotten to the bathtub yet, either.  It’s next on my list, I just...”

She stopped him with a hand on his chest.  “Chakotay.”  He closed his mouth, realizing he had been babbling.  “The house is wonderful.  When on earth did you have time to build this?”

“I started when we came to build the long houses.  I set up a tent out here and spent a few hours every night working on it after everyone else went to sleep.  I wanted you to have a place of your own.  I wanted it to be done when you arrived, but I didn’t have time.  It wasn’t ready until today.”

Kathryn turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.  “We should let Harry and B’Elanna have this house.”

“I made it for you, Kathryn.”  

“They need it more than I do.”

“Their house will be finished in a few days, with plenty of time for them to move in before the baby comes.”

Kathryn felt unexpected tears stinging her eyes, and she kept her back turned to Chakotay.  “How can I live here, in my own house, while so many others are stuck cramped in the long houses?”

“No one will begrudge you a little privacy.  Everyone will have their own space soon enough.”

“Then I’ll wait until they do.”

“And let this house sit empty?”

“You built it.  You should be the one to live here.”

“I built it for you.”  Chakotay found himself growing frustrated.  “Why can’t you accept that?”

She whirled to face him.  “Because I don’t deserve it.”

Her statement hit Chakotay like a slap in the face, and it hung in the air for several moments before he found the words to respond.  “The hell you don’t,” he bit back angrily.  “You’ve sacrificed everything for the last three years.  Isn’t that enough?”

“No!” she shouted.  “It will never be enough, Chakotay.  Can’t you see that?  I can never make up for what I’ve done.”  She was trembling, her face contorted in pain.

“Do you think our people want you to suffer?  Do you think they want you to continue to give up everything for them?  You think that’s going to make them feel better?  Well, I have news for you, Kathryn.  That’s bullshit.  They don’t want to see you hurting any more than you want to see them suffer.  They want you to be happy.  They love you, and they only want the best for you, just as you do for them.”

Tears glistened in her eyes.  “I love them, too.”

He heard the quiver in her voice, and his heart went out to her.  He stepped towards her, opening his arms, and she stepped into them, letting him enfold her in his embrace.  “I know you do,” he murmured.  

She hugged him tight for a moment and then stepped back.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t even put into words how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.  I’m sorry that it’s so hard for me to accept.”  He reached out to caress her cheek.  “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.  You’ve been spending every spare minute of your time building me this house, when I can’t even get up the courage to tell you how I feel about you.”

Chakotay froze.  “How do you feel?”  She turned away, moving towards the window and shaking her head; she wasn’t about to answer his question.  He followed her, and stood behind her shoulder as she leaned against the window frame.  “Why can’t you tell me?”

“Because I can never act on my feelings, and I can never ask you to reciprocate them.”

“Kathryn, I don’t understand.  You’re speaking in riddles.”

She turned to face him, and he saw the tears that stained her cheeks.  “How can I tell you that I love you but in the same breath tell you we can never make love?”

He stared at her for a moment, letting her words sink in, wishing he had an eloquent response.  Instead what came out was, “Why not?”

She stepped away from the window, moving past him to the cabin’s doorway.  She stepped outside; he followed her and watched as she gestured to their surroundings.  “Is this the life you want for your child?  It sure as hell isn’t the life I would want for mine.  We could never risk... becoming pregnant.”

He looked at her in astonishment.  “Are you really going to remain celibate the rest of your life?”

“Unless we can come up with some kind of reliable birth control method, yes.”

“Kathryn, are you fucking insane?  We are never leaving this planet.  This is our home, and it’s going to be our home for the rest of our lives.  Do you have any idea how long that is?”  She stared at him, silently defiant, while he continued, incensed.  “We only get one life.  One chance.  If you’re ever going to have a child, it’s going to be here.  If you’re ever going to have a relationship, it’s going to be here.  If you’re ever going to be happy again, it’s going to be here, because you are never going to see another sky for the rest of your life.”  She remained stone-faced, tears steadily streaming down her cheeks, but he was too upset to care.  She was prepared to sacrifice her own happiness and his, too, because of her guilt and fear, and it made him damned angry.  

“I told you once that I wouldn’t sacrifice the present for a future that may never happen.  Well, I won’t.  I can’t.  When I was building this house, I built it for you, but not a day went by that I didn’t hope that I was building it for us.  Now, I see that can never be.  Not because it’s impossible, but because you won’t let it.  Damn it, Kathryn!  We only get one chance at this life.  Don’t ruin it for both of us.”

He waited for a moment, giving her a chance to argue or to try and make amends, but when it became clear that she was not going to respond, he stormed off, leaving her alone in the clearing.  She sank to her knees, tears spilling down her face, wondering what she had done.  
  


* * *

  
The agonizing cries could be heard easily through the cabin walls, and Kathryn cringed as B’Elanna let out another loud scream.  “How long is this going to take?” Neelix asked nervously.

“My wife was in labor for twenty-eight hours during the birth of our first child,” Tuvok said.

“Twenty-eight hours!” Neelix exclaimed.  

“I’m sure it won’t be that long,” Mike Ayala assured him.

“You have no way of knowing that,” Tuvok pointed out.

Kathryn let her mind drift as the crew continued talking.  Many had gathered in one of the long houses when they awoke that morning and learned that B’Elanna was in labor.  Neelix had prepared a large pot of hot cider made with a local fruit, and was doing his best to make sure that everyone was provided for.    
Knowing B’Elanna’s time would be coming soon, Akitu had arrived a few days earlier to help with the birth.  He, Kes and Samantha Wildman were all in the cabin with B’Elanna and Harry, assisting.  Chakotay had been running in and out all morning, fetching water and other supplies when they were needed.

Kathryn had barely spoken to Chakotay since their argument ten days earlier.  They had been civil to each other when they had seen each other around the village, but hadn’t exchanged a word beyond what was necessary.  Chakotay had never looked at her so coldly before, and Kathryn knew she had hurt him deeply.  She regretted this, but had been too prideful and stubborn to go to him and apologize.  Besides, she wasn’t going to change her mind about what she had said to him, so what difference would an apology make?

She had thrown herself into the work of building houses in the village, and so had he, but they had made sure to work on different buildings.  She had slept every night in the cabin he had built for her; he had refused to set foot in it, and he was right about one thing, there was no need for it to go to waste.  She hadn’t been sleeping well, however, and lay awake at night thinking about him.  Many nights, she had curled up in bed crying, regretting the wedge she had driven between herself and her best friend.  She had lain awake, wishing he was with her, wishing she could allow herself to give into the love she felt for him.  Several times, in the wee hours of the morning, she had almost gotten up and gone to him, to ask him to forgive her, to tell him she would throw caution to the wind, to ask him to come home to the cabin that he had, in truth, built for both of them.  But she couldn’t.  She couldn’t risk bringing a child into this world, nor could she afford to indulge herself while so many lacked the barest necessities.

A loud cry from inside B’Elanna and Harry’s house jolted her out of her thoughts.  No medicine, no scanners, no transporters...  There was nothing anyone could do if something went wrong, and Kathryn felt anxiety grow in the pit of her stomach.  What if the baby died?  Could B’Elanna and Harry survive such a loss?  What if B’Elanna did not survive the birth?  How could Harry cope, being a single father?  How would the community manage the loss of such an important member?  But that was the thing.  Everyone in this community was important.  They couldn’t afford to lose anyone.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up into Neelix’s kind eyes.  “Can I get you some cider?”

“No, thank you, Neelix.”  

He sat down beside her.  “Are you all right?” 

She shrugged.  “I’m fine.  Just a little worried, I guess.”

“Don’t worry.  Kes and Akitu know what they’re doing.  Akitu has delivered dozens of babies.”  

“I know.”  She paused.  “I just don’t want to lose anyone.”

“I know what you mean.  Every person has an important place here.”  Janeway nodded, and Neelix squeezed her shoulder.  “B’Elanna’s going to be fine, and so is the baby.  You’ll see.”

She looked up at him with a weak smile and covered his hand with hers.  “Thanks, Neelix.”

At that moment, Chakotay appeared at the doorway of the long house, looking a bit haggard.  Kathryn caught his eye and rushed to meet him, the tension between them suddenly irrelevant.  The question loomed in her eyes as she approached him.  _What do you need?_

“Kathryn, I could use your help.”

“Of course.”  He handed her a couple of buckets, and she followed him to the nearby river where they obtained their water.  “How’s B’Elanna doing?”

“She’s hanging in there.”

She heard the wariness in his voice.  “How are you doing?”

He flashed her a tired smile.  “I’m not the one in labor.”

“But you’re worrying just as much as anyone.”  They filled their buckets and started back towards the house at a quick pace.  “And carrying these buckets of water is hard work.  Why don’t you let Ayala or Tuvok take over for a while?”

Chakotay shook his head.  “B’Elanna is like a sister to me.”

Kathryn understood.  “You want to do this for her.”

“Yes.”

They arrived back at Harry and B’Elanna’s house just in time to hear a loud groan from within.  They hurried inside, and Sam and Kes took the water from them and poured it into a large pot over the fire.  B’Elanna and Harry’s house was the only one with a completed fireplace, and today, it was necessary.      

“Thank you,” Kes said.  “I think this will be enough water.  I’ll let you know if we need more, but it shouldn’t be long now.”

Chakotay nodded.  “We’ll be right outside.”  And they ducked quickly out of the small cabin as B’Elanna shouted a series of Klingon curse words.

Kathryn laughed.  “That’s good to hear.”

“Oh, yes.  B’Elanna hasn’t lost any of her spirit.  That’s for sure.”  He took a few steps towards a nearby tree and slumped against it, then slid down its trunk, collapsing in a seated position on the ground. 

Kathryn disappeared into the long house for a moment.  Chakotay’s eyes were beginning to close by the time she returned, kneeling next to him and pressing a mug of warm cider into his hands.  “Here.”

He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, taking the cup from her.  “Thanks.”

“Were you up all night?”

“Pretty much.  Kes came and woke me right after I had fallen asleep.”

“You’re exhausted.”  Her hand extended towards his face and then stopped, midair, and she withdrew it back into her chest.

He turned his face away.  “Kathryn, don’t.”

She stood and stepped away from him, covering her mouth with her hand.  Neither one spoke for a long time; only B’Elanna’s cries cut through the thick wall of silence.  Kathryn felt a slew of emotions running through her: compassion for B’Elanna and Harry, concern for their well-being, pain at having hurt Chakotay, and love for the man who was so willing to stay up all night to help his friend who was in labor.  Conflict raged within her.  A part of her wanted nothing more than to throw herself into Chakotay’s arms, apologize for everything, and tell him how much she cared for him.  Another part of her knew that she had to remain strong and separate so that she could care for those for whom she was responsible.  The two sides warred within her, and she could see no way to resolve the conflict.

She heard a loud cry from inside the house and couldn’t hide the worry she felt.  She jumped as she felt Chakotay’s hand on her shoulder; she hadn’t heart him approach.  “You okay?” he asked quietly.

She swallowed hard.  Even after everything, he was here to protect and comfort her.  She nodded in response to his question, unable to speak, and he squeezed her shoulder.  _I don’t deserve his kindness_ , she thought.  Another scream emerged from the house, followed by an unfamiliar sounding cry.  Chakotay’s grip on her shoulder grew stronger and she turned to him, her eyes wide with wonder.  

Samantha Wildman opened the door of the cabin, grinning widely.  “It’s a girl!”  She stepped out of the cabin to go deliver the news to everyone in the long house.  As she passed Janeway and Chakotay, she assured them, “You can go in.”

Kathryn let Chakotay go first and hung back in the doorway as he approached the bed where Harry was sitting behind B’Elanna, his arms around her as she held a tiny bundle in her arms.  “Hey there,” Chakotay said.

B’Elanna looked up at him with a tired smile.  “Say hello to your Uncle Chakotay,” she cooed to the baby.  “Chakotay, meet Mary L’Naan Kim.”

“Hello, Mary,” he whispered as B’Elanna handed him the little bundle.  He sat down on the bed, took the baby in his arms and began to rock her gently.

“Mary is Harry’s mother’s name,” B’Elanna explained.

“And L’Naan was Miral’s mother, right?” Chakotay asked.  Harry nodded.  “How are you feeling, B’El?”

“I’m exhausted,” she admitted.  “But happy.”  She looked back at Harry and he hugged her closer.  “So happy.”

“And how ‘bout you, Dad?” Chakotay asked teasingly.

Harry let out a long breath.  “I’m great.  Really great.  B’Elanna was amazing.”  He kissed her on the cheek, and love glowed in his eyes for his wife and daughter.

Kathryn watched in awe as Chakotay spoke softly to the brand new baby, marveling at the ease with which he held the child.  “Welcome to our family, Mary,” she heard him murmur.  “It’s not just your mom and dad who’ve been waiting for you, but all of us.  You’re going to grow up surrounded by people who love and care for you.  That, I can promise.”  

Kathryn’s eyes misted over as she watched Chakotay with the child, and suddenly, the war within her soul was won.  He was right.  Mary would be surrounded by people who loved her, cared for her and looked out for her well-being.  The crew was full of intelligent, multi-faceted individuals who could teach science, math, art, music and logic.  Their community would be a close-knit one, where everyone shared the same values of honesty, loyalty and integrity.  

How was it that in thinking about growing their community on Hanon IV, Kathryn had forgotten about the most important asset they had?  It wasn’t the harsh terrain or the dangers of the planet that really mattered, she realized.  It was the people.  That was what was really important.  It wasn’t her responsibility alone to ensure everyone’s well-being; she was part of a community that cared for each other.  

Chakotay turned to look at her, and concern crossed his features.  She realized that there were tears rolling down her cheeks, and she wiped them away, approaching the bed with a smile.  “Would you like to hold her, Kathryn?” he asked.

Kathryn looked to B’Elanna for permission, and the new mother nodded.  Chakotay passed the baby to Kathryn, and she took the small bundle in her arms.  Mary’s eyes were dark, like both of her parents’, and a small tuft of black hair just barely covered her little head.  The beginnings of Klingon ridges protruded from her forehead, and she was looking around, her eyes full of curious wonder.  “Hello, Mary,” Janeway whispered.  

“She’s wonderful, isn’t she?” Harry asked.

B’Elanna nodded.  “I never thought...  I never imagined...  I’m in love with her already.”

“Me, too.”

Kathryn smiled at the young couple.  “I think everyone will be.  She’s the first child of our new village.”  She brushed her fingers over the baby’s soft cheek and took in her sweet smell.  She was a miracle, Kathryn thought.  A miracle that could be held and touched and seen and smelled.

Akitu, who had been helping Kes clean up, came over to the bed.  “Lanna need rest,” he said.  “Go, go!”  He gestured with his hands, shooing Janeway and Chakotay out of the cabin.

“All right,” Janeway said with a laugh, handing the baby back to her mother.  “We’re going.  You don’t need to tell us twice, Akitu.”

As they exited the house, Chakotay tripped in the doorway and stumbled.  Kathryn caught him, steadying his step.  “Woah.  Careful, there.”

“I’m fine,” he said with a chuckle.  “Just a little tired.”

“Just a little?  You didn’t sleep at all last night and god only knows how you’ve been sleeping in the long house.  You’re coming home with me, and you’re sleeping in a bed.”

He knew better to argue with that tone.  “Yes, ma’am.”  She tucked her arm around his waist, pressing her body to his side, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  He was too tired to worry about the implications of going home with Kathryn, and too tired to argue.  When they arrived at her cabin, he stumbled in the doorway and over to the corner where he fell into bed.  He had the presence of mind to reach down and remove his shoes before he buried his head in the blankets, which smelled distinctly of Kathryn, and fell fast asleep.

When he awoke, Kathryn was sitting in one of the chairs that he had made, knitting.  He opened his eyes and watched her for several moments.  Seeing her hold the baby, seeing the light in her eyes at that moment, had only deepened the affection and attraction he already felt for her.  _Why can’t she just let it be easy?_ he wondered.  But he already knew the answer: _Because she’s Kathryn Janeway._

She must have felt his eyes on her because she raised her head from her knitting and found him looking at her.  “Sleep well?”

He nodded, extricating himself from the blankets and sitting up on the bed.  “How long was I out?”

She peered out of the open doorway at the sun’s position in the sky.  “A few hours, I’d guess.  I don’t have much stored in the way of food here, but I do keep some clean water.  Would you like some?”

“Thank you.”  He stood and joined her at the table as she poured two cups of water and handed him one.  He expected her to sit back down, but she didn’t.  Instead, she walked over to the doorway and stood, leaning against it, looking outward.  Confused, he cleared his throat loudly.  “I should probably be going.”

She whirled back to him.  “No, please don’t go.”  She returned to the table and sat across from him.  “We need to talk.”

“Okay.”

She bit her lip and looked down at her hands, finding her courage.  “Chakotay, I’m sorry.”  He looked at her across the table, curiosity filling his eyes, but said nothing.  It was up to her, she realized.  Up to her to make it right.  Over a year earlier, they had sat across from each other at a table on another planet, and she had tried to define parameters while he had poured his heart out to her.  Now, it was her turn.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, feeling the tears threatening again.  While he may have slept for several hours, she had not, nor had she been sleeping well ever since their argument ten days earlier.  “I, um...  I think I’ve been wrong about a lot of things.”  She pushed her chair back and stood, pacing the room while he watched her silently.

“I, uh, I had an epiphany today,” she continued.  “I’ve been so convinced that life here could never be good.  I’ve been so wrapped up in my own guilt over stranding us here, and so focused on my responsibility to the crew, that I lost sight of what was really important.

“I realized it today, when I saw you holding Mary, and when I heard what you were saying to her.”  Her voice caught in her throat, and she had to take a deep breath before continuing.  “It’s not the harsh environment or the myriad of dangers that are important.  It’s the people we’re with.  I may be stuck on this godforsaken planet, but I’m here with the most amazing people in the universe, and all I’ve been doing is pushing them away.”

She stopped pacing and turned to face him.  “All I’ve been doing is pushing you away, while you’ve stood by me, helped me and supported me at every opportunity.”  A sob emerged from her, and she covered her mouth with her hand.  “I’m so sorry.  Can you forgive me?”

It took him two steps, and he was on his feet beside her, taking her shoulders in his hands.  “Of course I forgive you, Kathryn.”

She wrapped her arms around her own body and looked up at him, trembling, the tears rolling down her cheeks.  “I don’t want to push you away anymore.”

“Then don’t.”  He ran his hands up and down her upper arms and looked deep into her eyes.

Suddenly, as if a dam had broken, she laced her hands behind his head and pulled his mouth down to hers, kissing him with a raw passion that shocked him.  His mind was surprised by her action, but his body responded to her instantly.  He pulled her flush against him as his lips moved over hers.  He wanted to touch her everywhere at once, but a voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he should be taking this slowly, and he gently eased away.  Her eyes were bright and luminous, and he brushed his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away the remainder of her tears.  “Kathryn, I need to know that you’re sure about this.  I need you to tell me, in no uncertain terms, what you want.”

She reached up to trace his tattoo with one finger, and then stood on her tiptoes to plant a gentle kiss on his lips.  “I want you to live here, with me, in this house that you built for us.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you, however long that is, no matter where it is.”  She hesitated and reached down to take both of his hands in hers.  She lifted them to her lips and kissed his fingers.

“What else?” he asked, inching closer to her, feeling the tension mount between them.

She looked up into his dark eyes, seeing his love for her there so clearly, and something else, too--desire.  “Make love with me, Chakotay,” she whispered.

His hands released hers, and he slid them down her sides to rest on her waist, gripping her with a firm but gentle grasp.  He leaned down and kissed her lips, then down her jawline and the side of her neck.  She gasped, tilting her head back to allow him better access, but instead of continuing, he pulled away.  “Even if...?”

When her eyes found his again, he saw his own love reflected back at him, and he saw something else there, too--certainty.  She nodded.  “Even if.”

That was all the encouragement Chakotay needed.  He swept her up in his arms, and she was laughing in joy as he placed kisses on her eyes and her cheek and the sensitive skin just below her ear.  He carried her over to the bed and laid her down, covering her body with his.  “I love you, Kathryn Janeway.”


	6. Chapter 6

**VI.**  
  
 _“The Lord preserveth the strangers; he relieveth the fatherless and widow: but the way of the wicked he turneth upside down.”_  
 _Psalm 146:9_  
  
“This is hopeless,” Tom moaned, slumping back in his chair.  “We’re never going to find them.”

Avira pursed her lips.  Truthfully, he might be right, she knew, but she wasn’t about to let her friend give up hope.  “We will, Tom.  We just have to keep looking.  We’ve come this far; we can’t give up now.”

They had, indeed, come a long way, Tom thought as he looked around the seedy bar on Thorisius III.  For the past three months, their search for _Voyager_ ’s crew had led them from planet to planet, ship to ship.  It was slow going because the Celtarian shuttle could only travel at warp two, even with the enhancements that Tom had made to its warp drive.  

Using Alaman’s star charts and Tom’s memories, they had managed to locate the Talaxian colony that Neelix had contacted before the Kazon had attacked Voyager.  The Talaxians had never heard from _Voyager_ again.  They’d heard rumors of a Kazon maje who had commandeered a ship with dangerous weapons and great firepower, and Tom had to assume that meant Cullah had taken _Voyager_ for his own.  

But what had happened to the crew?  Tom and his companions had followed one lead after another and had pieced together a little bit of what had happened.  It seemed that Cullah had used _Voyager_ as a weapon to intimidate other Kazon sects.  He had traveled around the quadrant terrorizing innocent races with photon torpedoes, transporters and replicated weapons.  Tom felt sick to his stomach whenever he thought about it.  _Voyager_ had been a symbol of peace and justice, but was now being used to commit atrocities. 

Their last contact had known someone on Thorisius III who was rumored to have been connected with Cullah.  Through friends of friends, Tom and Avira had made plans to meet him.  Now, Yori was watching the shuttle while they found the seediest bar in town, just the sort of place a defector or a vagrant might frequent.  

Thorisius III itself was something of a backwater planet at the edge of the Thorisius system.  Its small settlements were home to docking ports for transport and cargo vessels.  They were the sort of towns where rent was cheap, landlords weren’t picky, and neighbors knew better than to ask too many questions.  The population was comprised of countless species, so much so that even Tom did not stick out.

The bar in which Tom and Avira had found themselves was dim, and smoke from various types of cigarettes and pipes wafted through the air.  In one corner, several tall green aliens with horns on their heads played an automated gambling game on consoles built into the wall.  In another part of the room, a group of short, hairy men were engaged in a game of cards.  The room was dominated by a long bar that was stocked with liquor from all over the quadrant.  The bartender was an acerbic Thorisian with an eye patch over one of his three eyes.  

Avira had politely asked him about the identity of their contact.  He had grunted an unintelligible response and gestured to a table in the corner.  Tom and Avira had been sitting at the table waiting for what seemed like hours, nursing a thick, green liquid that tasted a little like 20th century Earth absinthe.

“I don’t think anyone is coming, Avira.  This bartender is pulling our leg.  He just wants us to buy more of this...  What did he say this is called?”

Avira shrugged.  “He didn’t say.  One of the locals at the bar was having it, so I just ordered what he had.”  She paused.  “Pulling our leg?”

“It’s an old Earth expression.  It means he’s yanking our chain.”  Avira continued to look at him blankly.  “He’s stringing us along.  Keeping us here, making us think he knows something when he really doesn’t.”

Before Avira could reply, someone approaching the bar caught her eye.  “Hey, look,” she whispered, gesturing subtly with one long claw.  Tom tried to look over his shoulder without being too obvious, to see where she was pointing.  The Thorisian bartender was hunched over the bar, talking to a hooded figure in a long cloak, and he was pointing directly at their table.  Under the table, Tom placed his hand on his disruptor as the hooded figure approached them.

The figure drew closer, and Tom could see a humanoid face and two dark eyes covered by black mesh.  “Mind if I join you?” the figure asked in a deep, male voice. 

“Who’s asking?” Avira asked defensively.

“My name is Kovin,” the man said, removing his hood and joining them at the table.  “I have some information you might be looking for.”

Tom studied the man for a moment; he looked familiar somehow, but it took Tom a moment to realize why.  “You’re Drayan!” 

Kovin smiled.  “Yes.  My people encountered yours some time ago.  One of your crew members was very kind to my grandmother, Tressa, and stayed with her during the last moments of her life.   Alcia and the others brought stories back to our home world of the kindness of the _Voyager_ crew.”

“I’m Tom Paris.  This is Avira.”  

They shook hands, and then Kovin gestured back to the bartender.  “Gila there tells me that you’re looking for information on your ship and your crew.”

Tom nodded.  “I was separated from them over a year ago.  The last I knew, they were under attack by Maje Cullah of the Kazon Nistrim.  We’ve heard rumors in our travels that Cullah took _Voyager_ for his own ship and has been terrorizing local communities.”

“Yes, unfortunately, he was.”

“But he’s not anymore?” Avira asked.

“I think you should come with me,” said Kovin.  “There’s someone I think you should talk to.”

“Who?” asked Tom.

“One of the Kazon Nistrim.  He can tell you what happened far better than I can.”

Tom exchanged a glance with Avira.  She blinked twice in rapid succession, a sign of her agreement, and the pair followed Kovin out of the bar through the back door.  He led them down a long alley, where the stench of urine and rotting garbage permeated the air.  A large rodent skittered across the pavement in front of them, and Avira gasped, clutching Tom’s hand.

“Don’t worry,” said Kovin.  “They’re as scared of you as you are of them.”

Avira forced a nervous chuckle and gripped Tom’s hand tighter.  He gave her a reassuring wink, and kept her hand in his.  They followed Kovin from one alleyway into another; this one was cleaner, but still very narrow, and was lined with doorways.  Above the doorways, lights were on in some of the windows, and they caught glimpses of various species going about their nightly routines.  In one apartment, loud music was playing, and Tom had to duck, pulling Avira out of the way, when someone threw a beer bottle out the window.  The bottle shattered on the pavement with a clatter, and Avira looked up at Tom nervously.

“Sorry about that,” said Kovin.  

“Where are you taking us?” Tom demanded.

“We’re almost there.”  Several paces further, Kovin stopped at a green door.  “Here we are.”  He opened the door with a key card and gestured for Tom and Avira to come inside.  Kovin waved his hand over a panel, and the dark room instantly illuminated.

It was a small apartment, and they found themselves standing in a tiny kitchen furnished with plain, white cabinets and worn out silver appliances.  “Jabor!” Kovin called.  “I’m home.”

Even though Kovin had prepared them, Tom was shocked to see a young Kazon male emerge from one of the other rooms in the apartment.  When he saw Avira and Tom, the Kazon cowered, hanging back in the doorway.  “It’s all right,” Kovin said soothingly.  “They’re not here to hurt you, only to hear your story.”  Jabor came out into the kitchen cautiously.  “Say hello to Tom and Avira.”

Upon closer observation, Tom realized that Jabor couldn’t be much more than a teenager.  “Hello,” he said uneasily.

“Hi, Jabor.  I’m Tom.”  Tom extended his hand to the boy, who took it, clearly surprised by the gesture.

“I’m Avira.”  The Celtarian was obviously more wary of the Kazon than her human companion.

“Please, have a seat,” said Kovin, gesturing to the small kitchen table and four chairs.  The four of them barely had room to maneuver around the small kitchen, but they all managed to sit down.

“Forgive my curiosity,” said Avira, “but how did a Drayan and a Kazon come to be living together on Thorisius III?”

“It’s a long story,” Kovin replied.  “A story that will answer many of your questions about _Voyager_.  But only Jabor can tell the beginning of the story.  I cannot begin until the point when I entered the tale myself.”

“Go on, Jabor,” Tom encouraged the young man.  “Tell us what happened.”

“Well, it all started when Maje Cullah brought that woman on board.  Seska.  I think you knew her.”

“Yes, I know that part of the story.”

“She started putting ideas in his head.  At least, that’s what my father thought.”

“I’m sure your father was right about that.  Seska is a devious woman.”

“She and the maje started plotting, trying to figure out a way to hijack _Voyager_.  I had just earned my name, and the attack on _Voyager_ was my first real mission.  Maje Cullah had everything worked out, and we managed to disable _Voyager_ and board the ship.  We put the crew into the cargo bay.”

“That must have been around the time I managed to escape in the shuttle,” Tom murmured.

“The maje was angry that Voyager’s crew refused to share their technology with him, so he took it for himself and left them with nothing.”

“Left them?” Tom asked.  “Were they alive?”

Jabor nodded gravely.  “They were alive when we left them, but I don’t know how they could have survived much longer.  Maje Cullah left your crew on a primitive planet called Hanon IV.  He took away all their technology and left them there to die.”

The impact of Jabor’s statement settled over the group, and Tom looked down at his hands.  If anyone could have found a way to survive in those circumstances, it would have been Captain Janeway.  He knew that for certain.

“That still doesn’t explain how you came to be here with Kovin,” said Avira.

“After we left _Voyager_ ’s crew on Hanon IV, the maje started attacking every race we came into contact with, trying to prove how powerful he was with his new ship.  He wanted the stories of his influence to spread across the quadrant, but the Kazon didn’t really know how to operate Voyager, and we overtaxed her systems.  I heard that Maje Cullah and Seska fought a lot about it.  I guess she kept trying to tell him what to do, and some of the officers thought we could have kept the ship running longer if he had listened to her.  Others said he should only keep her on board as long as he needed her to nurse his son.  Anyway, pretty soon, the ship’s systems started to fail.”

“That was right around the time the Nistrim decided to attack Drayan II,” Kovin explained.

“Right,” said Jabor.  “Maje Cullah wouldn’t admit that the ship was falling apart.  I heard from some of the bridge officers that Seska tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen to her.”

“When the Nistrim attacked Drayan II, we defeated them, and _Voyager_ was destroyed,” said Kovin.  “We recognized the ship and tried to preserve it, but it was too badly damaged.  It was during that battle that I met Jabor.  He was part of one of the Kazon landing parties.”

“Weren’t there other Kazon with you?” asked Avira.  “Why didn’t you go with them?”

Jabor lowered his eyes and looked at his lap.  Kovin reached out and touched the boy’s shoulder.  “It’s all right, Jabor.  There is no shame in what you did.”

“The other Kazon did the honorable thing.  They prevented themselves from falling into enemy hands.  I didn’t have the courage to do it.”

Avira looked confused and Kovin explained, “He means they took their own lives.  Jabor, you know you did nothing wrong.  There is no shame in wanting to live.”

“My father wouldn’t have thought so.”

“Well, he’s not here, and I am,” Kovin said firmly.  “And now you have a chance to help these people.”

“What happened to Seska?” Tom asked.

“I’m not sure,” said Jabor.  “She wasn’t part of my landing party.  I think she was on Voyager when it was destroyed, but I don’t know for certain.  I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay.  She was no friend of mine, and you’ve already helped us more than we could have hoped,” Tom said reassuringly.  

“Do you know where Hanon IV is?” Avira asked.

Jabor nodded.  “I can take you there.”

* * *

  
The weather in the little village was getting colder every day, and the cool breezes forced everyone to hasten their work.  There was enough indoor space for everyone, but the houses needed fireplaces and chimneys, too.  The crew’s days were filled with manual labor, except B’Elanna, who had given birth only a month before, and Renlay, who was pregnant.  But even they helped out when they could, making food for the workers, bringing water from house to house.  B’Elanna often watched Naomi, too.

Kathryn knocked at B’Elanna and Harry’s door.  She’d been working all morning, helping build one of the new cabins, and on their lunch break, she had decided to visit B’Elanna and Mary.  “Come in,” B’Elanna called from inside.

Kathryn stepped in and greeted B’Elanna with a hug.  Mary was sleeping in the cradle, and Naomi was playing with a handmade doll in the corner.  “How are you doing?”

“I’m ready to get out of the house and start helping with the building!” B’Elanna exclaimed.  “I love my time with Mary, but I’m sick and tired of being treated like an invalid!”

“You need time to recover.”

"I am recovered!”  

Kathryn laughed.  “Do you think Mary’s going to be as stubborn as you?”

B’Elanna joined in the laughter.  “God, I hope not.  I hope she inherited her temperament from her father.”  The baby started to fuss, and B’Elanna picked her up out of the cradle.

“Is she sleeping through the night?” Kathryn asked, absently sitting down beside Naomi on the floor.

Naomi held up her doll.  “Time for school!” the little girl exclaimed.

“Oh?  What are you going to teach her about?”

“Stars!”

Janeway smiled, and Naomi continued to babble softly as B’Elanna answered Janeway’s question.  “Most nights she makes it almost until the sun starts to come up.”

“That’s good.”

At that moment Harry walked in the door.  “Hi, sweetheart,” he said, kissing B’Elanna on the cheek and then kissing Mary’s forehead.  He held out a package of food, wrapped in an animal skin.  “I brought some lunch.”  He saw Kathryn sitting on the floor.  “I would have brought more if I had known you would be here, Kathryn.”

“No, it’s all right.  I should try and find Chakotay.”  She stood up and suddenly swayed on her feet.

Harry was at her side instantly.  “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she replied, trying to shake off the feeling.  “I just stood up too fast.”    

“Maybe you should stay and have some lunch.  We have enough to share,” B’Elanna said.

“No, really, I’m fine.”  She took two steps towards the door, and swayed again.  Harry caught her as she collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

Naomi cried out and ran to B’Elanna’s side.  “It’s okay, Naomi,” B’Elanna said, stroking Naomi’s hair with one hand and rocking Mary in the other arm.  “Kathryn’s going to be fine.  Can you stay here with your Uncle Harry for a minute?”  Timidly, Naomi nodded while B’Elanna put Mary in her cradle and hurried out of the cabin to find help.

“Naomi, can you get me some water from the pitcher on the table?  Take that cloth that’s hanging over the back of the chair and dip it in the water,” Harry requested, trying to keep the little girl occupied so she wouldn’t feel scared.

Naomi did as she was told, and brought the damp cloth over to Harry.  He dabbed Janeway’s face with it gently.  “Come on, Kathryn,” he said.  “Wake up.”

B’Elanna returned a few minutes later with Chakotay hot on her heels.  “Where’s Kes?” Harry asked.

“She and Neelix are out gathering supplies,” B’Elanna replied as Chakotay knelt down next to Kathryn and took her hand in his.

“Kathryn,” he said urgently.  “Kathryn, wake up!”  He looked up at B’Elanna.  “What was she doing?”

“She felt dizzy.  She said she stood up too fast.”

At that moment, Kathryn’s eyes fluttered open.  “Chakotay?”

Harry moved out of the way as Chakotay leaned over Kathryn’s body and brushed a lock of hair out of her face.  “Kathryn, are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she said, pushing herself up on her elbows.  Then she realized that Harry, B’Elanna and Naomi were all standing around her looking down at her with concern.  “What happened?”

He touched her shoulder.  “Don’t sit up too quickly.”

“Honestly, Chakotay, I’m fine.”  She pushed herself up on her hands and felt another wave of dizziness come over her.  “Oh,” she moaned, resting her forehead in her hand and taking a long breath.

Chakotay rubbed her back gently.  “When is Kes expected back?” he asked Harry.

“I don’t know.  They usually return from their gathering trips by nightfall.  Sam’s with them, too.  That’s why we have Naomi.”

“As soon as they get back, have Kes come to our house.  I want her to take a look at Kathryn.”

“I can speak for myself, Chakotay.”

He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.  “I know you can, but right now, you’re going to let me take care of you, my love.”  He swept her up in his arms and cradled her against his chest.

“Put me down,” she ordered.  “I can walk just fine.  There’s nothing wrong with my legs.”

“I don’t want to risk you fainting again. You might fall and hit your head on a rock,” he replied stubbornly.  “You can go quietly, or you can go kicking and screaming, but I’m carrying you home.”

Janeway gave B’Elanna a look that pleaded for help, but the half-Klingon just shrugged.  “Take it while you can get it, Kathryn,” she said with a chuckle.  “Besides, you can’t argue with him when he’s like this.”

And with that, Chakotay carried her back to their cabin, put her to bed, and made her a warm pot of soup over their brand new fireplace.

Kes came as soon as she returned from her food gathering excursion, and Chakotay stepped outside the cabin to give the two women some privacy.  He paced back and forth on the grass as the sun set behind him, his mind churning through every worst case scenario he could conjure.  What if Kathryn had a horrible illness that Kes couldn’t cure?  What if no one could figure out what was wrong with her?  They had had only had two short months together; how would he live without her?  Finally, trying to calm himself, Chakotay sat down on a tree stump and closed his eyes, bowing his head in prayer to the spirits of his people.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a soft touch on his shoulder.  “You can go inside, Chakotay,” Kes’ melodious voice said.  He looked up at her, trying to read some clue in her elfin face, but her expression was neutral.  He nodded his acknowledgement and hurried into the house.

Kathryn was sitting on the bed, her face illuminated only by candlelight.  He crossed to the bed and took her in his arms, the strength of his embrace betraying the worries that had been running through his mind.  He held her close, breathing in her scent, savoring the feel of her body against his.  He was almost afraid to let her go, almost afraid to hear what Kes had told her.  “Chakotay,” she whispered, “it’s okay.  You don’t have to be afraid.”

When he pulled away, he blinked back the tears that had gathered in his eyes.  “Is it that obvious?” he asked in a choked voice.

“Only to me.”  She smiled reassuringly and wiped the tears from his cheeks.  “I love you,” she said, holding his face between her hands.

He took her hands from his face and held them tightly in his own.  “What did Kes say?  Does she know what’s wrong?”

“She has a pretty good idea.  So do I, actually.  I’ve suspected for the last week, but I wasn’t sure until Kes did the exam.”

He froze, staring at her, eyes widening.  “Suspected...”  She saw the hope on his face, a hope that was tempered by fear.

She nodded, gripping his hands, tears springing to her own eyes.  “I’m pregnant.”

“You...  You are?”  His expression was incredulous.  She nodded, a wide grin spreading across her face even as the tears rolled down her cheeks.  He took her face between his hands and kissed her, deeply and passionately.  When they broke the kiss, he was crying, too, and he pulled her close to him, and she wrapped her arms around him tightly.  “I love you, Kathryn.  I love you so much.”

When they finally pulled away from the embrace, they reached out and brushed away each other’s tears, laughing.  Chakotay leaned forward and kissed her again, and she pulled him down on the bed next to her.  They lay, entwined, facing each other, kissing and caressing gently, trying to soak in the news.  “How do you feel?” Chakotay asked.

“Physically, I feel fine.  Kes said I should stand up slowly to avoid getting dizzy and make sure I eat frequently and get plenty of rest.”

He chuckled.  “That sounds like a challenge for you.  But I meant, how do you feel about the news?”

“I’m scared out of my mind,” she admitted.  He reached over and stroked her hair.  “But I’m happy.”  She turned her face up to press her lips to his hand.  “What about you?”

“I’m happy, excited, a little nervous, a little worried.  It brings home exactly how vulnerable we are here.  I’ve always trusted you to take care of yourself, but now thinking that there’s a tiny, innocent life that’s our job to protect...”  He placed a hand over her stomach, trying to imagine the tiny person that they had created there.

She placed her hand over his.  “I know.  We’ll do everything we can to protect her, or him.”  

He nodded solemnly.  “I couldn’t do anything for Seska’s son.  I’ll be damned if I fail to protect this child.”

Kathryn caressed his cheek and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.  “What Seska did wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but it’s still strange to think that I have a son out there who will never know his father.”

She swallowed hard.  “And now you have a son or daughter who will know his father every day of his life.”

“I know.”  He gathered her closer to him.  “And I’ll love that child and his mother every day of my life.  That’s a promise.”  She snuggled deeper into his embrace and pressed her lips to his.  
  


* * *

  
Kathryn and Chakotay were awakened early in the morning by a loud commotion outside their door.  It sounded like a large gathering of people, and they were speaking excitedly.  “What’s going on?” Kathryn asked groggily.

“I don’t know,” Chakotay said, untangling himself from the sheets.  “I’ll put on some clothes and find out.”  He kissed her and got out of bed, pulling on his clothes and piling Kathryn’s next to her.

Remembering Kes’ warning, she sat up slowly, and although she felt a little dizzy, no black spots clouded her vision.  She was almost dressed by the time there was an urgent knock on the door.  “Kathryn!”  It was B’Elanna’s voice.  “Kathryn!  Chakotay!  Wake up!”

“Give us a minute, B’Elanna,” Chakotay replied.  “We’re coming.”  A moment later, Chakotay opened the door to the cabin and froze.  “Great spirits.”

Kathryn, hearing his expression of shock, hurried to his side and froze, too.  “Tom Paris?” she asked, astonished.

“Captain Janeway.  Commander Chakotay.”  Tom, too, looked as though he couldn’t believe his eyes.  Here were his former commanding officers, dressed in hand-sewn clothes made from homemade cloth, standing together, hand in hand, in a cabin he had been told they lived in together.  The captain’s hair was loose, cascading around her shoulders, and the commander’s hair had grown out quite a bit, too.  

Kathryn was staring at Tom in disbelief.  He looked different than she remembered, with a goatee now, and dressed in alien garb--gray pants, a white tunic, and a long purple vest.  His companions were tall humanoids with scales instead of skin, three fingers on each hand, and bright orange eyes.  One of them appeared to be female, while the other, the older one, appeared to be male.  Kathryn stepped past Chakotay and out of the house, extending her hand to the older male.  “I’m Kathryn Janeway.  This is Chakotay.”

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Tom said, jolting himself back into the present.  “This is Alaman Lo-bahri and his daughter Avira.  They took me in over a year ago when my shuttle crashed on their planet.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Janeway replied.

“It is an honor, Captain,” Alaman replied, and Janeway realized that Tom was still wearing his communicator.  The universal translator was functioning.

“It’s just Kathryn, now.  I haven’t been the captain of a starship for over a year.”

Alaman nodded.  “We know something about your people’s past.  Tom has told us.”

“What in hell took you so long to get here?” B’Elanna asked, grinning widely.  Harry stood behind her, holding Mary.

“That is a long, strange story,” Avira answered, feeling that she needed to come to Tom’s defense.

“Why don’t we all sit down,” Kathryn said, taking command of the situation.  “Let’s go to one of the long houses.  Neelix and Chell will prepare us some food, and we’ll hear your long, strange story.”

Quite a crowd of _Voyager_ ’s former crew had gathered in the area, and they all murmured their assent.  Harry and Chakotay led the way to the long house, and Janeway fell into step next to Paris.  “It’s good to see you, Tom,” she said, placing her hand on his arm.  

“It’s good to see you, too, Captain.”

“Really, Tom, it’s just Kathryn now.”

He shook his head and whistled softly.  “It might take me a little while to get used to that one.”

Janeway smiled.  “I think there’s a lot that’s going to take some getting used to.  Are you here to stay, Tom?  You’re welcome, and so are your friends.”

Tom grinned.  “I think I’ll let Alaman explain exactly what he has in mind, Capt...  I mean, Kathryn.  It’s not only the three of us here.  When I found out where you were, I brought reinforcements.”

“Reinforcements for what?”

Tom’s grin grew wider, and he winked at her.  “You’ll find out.”  
  


* * *

  
“You’re welcome to stay here tonight if you’d like,” Janeway said to Tom, Avira and Alaman, “but I’m afraid we don’t have much to offer in the way of accommodation.”

“We are not offended,” Alaman said.  “Our ship is suitably comfortable.”

“Do you want to stay at our place, Tom?” Harry offered.

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“It’s no imposition,” B’Elanna assured him, bouncing Mary in her arms.

“Nah.  You don’t have a lot of space, and I have my own bunk on the ship.”  He paused, looking at his old friends, knowing they were trying to make him feel welcome.  “Thanks for the offer, though.  I really do appreciate it.”

“Any time,” Harry said, clapping Paris on the shoulder.

Avira looked from her father to Tom.  “Ready to go?”

“Sure,” Tom replied.

“Please, consider our offer,” Alaman said to Janeway.  

“We will.  We’ll have an answer for you by tomorrow.”

“Wonderful.  It was a pleasure to meet you after all this time, Kathryn.”

“The pleasure is ours, Alaman.  Thank you for taking such good care of Tom.”

Avira smiled, looking at Paris, stifling an urge to run her claws through his sandy hair.  “It was a tough job, but someone had to do it.”

Chakotay chuckled.  “Better you than me.”  Paris looked at him, prepared to act offended, but grinned when he saw the glint in the older man’s eye.

“Goodnight, everyone,” Tom said.  “We’ll see you tomorrow.”  Tom, Avira and Alaman left the clearing, heading back to their ship for the night.

"Let’s go inside and talk,” Janeway suggested.

“Excellent idea,” agreed Neelix.  “I’ll make some cider.”

Harry fell into step beside his wife, and when she glanced up at him, he seemed far away.  “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.  Tom’s just not the way I remember him,” he replied.

“Well, I’m sure you’re not the way he remembers you, either... Dad.”

He put his arm around her shoulders.  “True.”

“Give it some time, Starfleet.  You need to get to know each other again.  Besides...”  She trailed off, unsure whether or not to continue.

“Besides, what?”

“Well, I think Tom always had a thing for me.  He was probably shocked to find out that we’re married and have a baby.  Maybe he’s a little jealous.”

“Maybe.  I hadn’t really thought about that.  It’s hard to imagine Tom Paris being jealous of me.”

B’Elanna grinned and with her free arm, elbowed him in the ribs.  “Are you saying I’m not a prize?”

Harry stopped walking and took his wife by both shoulders.  “You and Mary are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  No matter where we go or what happens, that will always be true.”  He leaned down and kissed her, then kissed Mary, and they walked into the long house to find the others.  

_Voyager_ ’s former senior staff had gathered in a corner, and Neelix and Kes were passing around mugs of warm cider.  Harry and B’Elanna took some and found a seat on a bench.  Mary was fast asleep in B’Elanna’s arms, and Harry took the baby to give his wife a break.  Tuvok stood nearby, and Janeway and Chakotay sat on another bench, his hand resting protectively on her back.

“Thoughts?” Kathryn asked.

“It would be logical to take the Celtarians up on their offer,” Tuvok said.  “Living on Celtar Prime would grant us access to technology and opportunities that we could never have here.”

“I agree,” said B’Elanna.  “At least living among them, we’d be able to exercise some of our own skills.”  She looked at Harry.  “I could be an engineer again.”

Harry looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms.  “It will be a better life for Mary, and any other children that are born.”  

Murmurs of agreement sounded from around the circle.  Chakotay wrapped his arm around Kathryn, and she laid a hand on his knee as a meaningful glance passed between them.

“I’ve enjoyed learning the medicinal practices of Akitu and his people,” said Kes, “but we’d have so much less to worry about with more advanced medical technology.”

“What about all the work we’ve put into building a life on Hanon IV?” Neelix asked.  “We’ll be starting over again.”

“Yes,” agreed Harry, “but we’ll have help this time, help from a technologically advanced society.  I’m not putting down Akitu and his people, but I would have given a lot for modern medicine when B’Elanna was pregnant.”

“In addition, here, we risk not only the return of the Kazon, but also detection by the Vidiians.  We have no shielding, no weapons and no sensors,” pointed out Tuvok.  “Relocating to Celtar Prime would provide us with increased security.”

“I agree,” said Janeway.  “I’ll tell Alaman tomorrow that we will take his people up on their generous offer.  But, I won’t force anyone to leave here.  If anybody wants to stay on Hanon IV, they can.”  She looked around at the circle of people who had become her closest friends.  “Tomorrow, we will get ready for the journey to our new home.”

The group disbanded for the night, hugs passing all around the circle.  Chakotay offered Kathryn his hand as they made their way back to their cabin.  He had been silent throughout the meeting, and she stopped suddenly.  “What?” he asked.

“You do want to go to Celtar Prime, don’t you?  I was making the assumption...”

He nodded and squeezed her hand.  “I do want to go to Celtar.  I imagine everyone will.  It will be a better life for our child, Kathryn, and an easier life for all of us.”

“But you like living in the woods.  You like building things.”

“I can do that wherever we go.  I want access to technology, literature and modern medicine.  I want you to have opportunities to be a scientist, or a starship captain, or whatever you want to be.  I want our son or daughter to have a good education and to be able to choose any career he or she wants.”  He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and they resumed their walk towards the cabin.

“What will you do in our new home?” she asked.

“I don’t know.  I’ll have to see what my options are.”

As they walked hand in hand through the forest, Kathryn thought back on their whirlwind of a day.  She had all but given up hope of ever seeing Tom Paris again, and then there he was, standing on her doorstep.  He had told the story of his shuttle crash on Celtar Prime, the loss and subsequent recovery of his memories, and his quest to find out what had happened to the Voyager crew.  

Once he had learned from Jabor where the crew was, he and Avira had returned to Celtar Prime.  It had been Avira’s idea to speak to her father about bringing the entire _Voyager_ crew back to Celtar with them.  Alaman had taken the suggestion to the ruling council, and they had agreed, unanimously, that the addition of a hundred and fifty people to their world would be an asset, rather than a drain on their resources.  Tom had proven to be enterprising, intelligent, and kind, and Alaman had no doubt that the others of his species would be the same.  So Tom, Alaman and Avira had come to Hanon with a whole fleet of Celtarian ships, ready to take the _Voyager_ crew to their new home, should they accept the proposal.

“I guess the Doctor’s program was destroyed along with _Voyager_ ,” Kathryn said sadly.  “I wish there had been a way for us to salvage him.”

“So do I.”

A bird’s song floated through the air.  It was a haunting tune, unique to Hanon IV.  Kathryn wondered if she would miss hearing it.  “We have a lot to do before we leave,” she said. 

“Yes, we’ll have to contact Akitu and tell him we’re leaving.”

“Perhaps he and his people will decide to use the village at some point in the future.”

“Perhaps.”

“I wonder how much we’ve changed the course of his race’s development, Chakotay.”

“I’ve thought about that a lot, myself.  But we didn’t have much of a choice.”  He held the door open for her and then closed it behind them as she lit a candle.

“Well,” she said, surveying the room, “I guess this is our last night here.”

Chakotay toed his shoes off and pulled her to him.  “I guess it is.”  He brought his lips down to hers and kissed her deeply.  When he came up for air he looked at her with a devilish grin.  “I guess we better make the most of it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**EPILOGUE**  
  
_“For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in.”_  
_Matthew 25:35_  
  
The warm bath was divine, and Kathryn hated to drain the water and get out of the tub, but she knew if she didn’t do it now, they would be late for the party.  Reluctantly, she released the stopper and dragged herself out of the tub, pulling a soft towel down from the nearby rack and drying herself off.  

“How was your bath?”  Her husband poked his head in the door of the bathroom.  He was already dressed for the party in brown pants and vest with a cream colored tunic.

“It was heavenly.  The only time my back doesn’t hurt is when I’m in the tub.”

Chakotay stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and kissed his wife, running his hands over her breasts and down to her swollen belly.  “Are you giving your mama trouble?” he asked, kneeling down to kiss her stomach.  His hands began to travel lower, but Kathryn stopped him.

“We’re going to be late.”

He looked up at her with a mischievous grin.  “So?”

“Chakotay,” she said in a warning tone.

“Okay, okay.”  He stood up and kissed her again.  “You get ready.  I won’t bother you.”

“Make sure that Tona is ready, okay?”

“Aye, aye, Captain.”  He winked at her and exited the bathroom.

When Kathryn emerged from their bedroom a few moments later, she found father and son waiting for her at the door.  Tonapa bore a strong resemblance to his father, with dark hair and dark eyes, but his skin was paler than Chakotay’s and anyone who knew him recognized his mother’s fiery personality immediately.  Tonapa ran to her and hugged her legs, his head butting into her pregnant belly as he did so.  “For you, Mama,” he said, handing her a bright pink flower.

“Thank you, Tona,” she said, leaning down to kiss him and sharing a glance with her husband, knowing the flower had probably been his idea.  “Are you ready to go to the party?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, let’s go.”  It was a beautiful spring day on Celtar Prime.  The twin suns were shining brightly, but it wasn’t too hot.  Kathryn breathed in the sweet smell of the air as she walked with her family from their house to where their hovercar was parked on the street.  Chakotay strapped Tonapa into his car seat in the back, and Kathryn got in on the passenger side.

“Ugh,” she groaned as she sank down into the seat.  “Do I really still have another three months of this?”

Chakotay chuckled.  “Don’t start complaining now.  After a week of maternity leave, you’ll be clamoring to go back to work.”

Kathryn smiled.  “Maybe.”  After much soul searching, she had decided to return to her first love--science, and had become a renowned research scientist on Celtar Prime.  “I heard the university grants several weeks of paternity leave, too.”

“Yes, I’ll have to see if Tuvok can cover some of my classes.”  Both Chakotay and Tuvok taught at the premiere Celtarian university.

Kathryn frowned, her husband’s comment bringing up a subject that had been on her mind during her bath.  “Chakotay, do you think that Tuvok is happy here?”

“Are Vulcans ever happy?” Chakotay replied.  Tonapa was babbling to himself in the back seat and calling out the colors of things he saw as they drove.

“I just think he must be lonely.”

“I’m sure he is.”  Tuvok had never remarried or shown any interest in pursuing a romantic relationship.  When Kathryn had confronted him about it, he had told her that he had a wife and children and did not need to repeat that experience.  “I think he’s taken an interest in Vorik’s son, though.”

“Yes, I heard that, too.”  Vorik had taken a mate a year earlier; she was not a Celtarian, but another species whose outlook on life seemed similar to the Vulcan’s.

“It’s hard to believe that we’ve been here for four years,” Chakotay mused.

“Sometimes it feels like it’s only been a few days,” Kathryn agreed, “but sometimes it feels like forever.”  She glanced at the back seat.  “It’s hard to remember a time when he wasn’t part of our lives.”

Chakotay laughed.  “Oh, I remember it.  I remember someone telling me we had to define parameters about our relationship.”

Kathryn rubbed her belly with one hand.  “How times change.”

Chakotay glanced over at her.  “Is he kicking a lot?”

“So it’s a ‘he’ today?” Kathryn teased.

Chakotay shrugged.  “I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”  Kathryn was six months along with their second child, and they had decided not to find out the sex of the baby in advance.

“I’ve been thinking about our time on Hanon a lot recently,” she admitted.  

“Any particular reason?”    

“Just the time of year, I guess.”

“This anniversary always makes you feel a little reflective.”

“And this year I’m feeling even more sentimental than usual.  Hormones, I guess.”

“You don’t miss Hanon IV, do you?” he asked, surprised.

“No!” she exclaimed, and they laughed together at the swiftness of her response.  Tonapa joined in the laughter, even though he had no idea why he was laughing.  At that moment, they pulled into the parking lot of the party venue, and their conversation was cut short.  

B’Elanna and Harry had just pulled in, too, and met them at their car.  Mary threw her arms around her favorite uncle.  “Uncle Chakotay!”  

“Hi, sweetie.  You look beautiful!”  Mary, now almost five years old, was wearing a ruffled blue party dress.

B’Elanna helped Kathryn out of the car.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes.  “You always say that.”

She laughed.  “No, I really am.  At least with this one the morning sickness was short lived.  With Tona, I felt like I was sick the whole time.  How’s the baby, B’El?”

“She’s great.”

“And how’s Mary taking to having a younger sister?”    

“It depends on the day.”  The group walked towards the banquet hall.  Tonapa and Mary, a year apart, walked together under Chakotay’s supervision, while Harry lugged a small baby carrier.  “Sometimes Mary’s very excited to be a big sister.  Other days, she gets incredibly jealous of all the attention her little sister gets.”

“Well, next year Tona will have a little brother or sister to contend with, too,” Kathryn commented as they walked into the banquet hall.

Every year, the former _Voyager_ crew and their families gathered to celebrate the anniversary of their arrival on Celtar Prime.  This was the fourth such party, and each year, the _Voyager_ family grew.  Many had married and had children, some with other members of _Voyager_ ’s crew, and some with the Celtarians or members of other Delta Quadrant species.  

Many of their Celtarian friends joined them in their yearly celebration.  Alaman was there, of course.  He had become close to Harry and B’Elanna and was like a grandfather to Mary.  When the crew had first come to Celtar Prime, Alaman had connected B’Elanna with a friend of his who helped her find an engineering position at the shipyard.  Harry had decided to focus on his music and was a member of the Celtarian symphony.

Tom Paris had finally married Avira after much encouragement and cajoling from Harry and B’Elanna.  The two couples had become close friends, and Uncle Tom was almost as much of a favorite for Mary as Uncle Chakotay.  Most of the rest of _Voyager_ ’s crew had found productive, stimulating positions in all walks of Celtarian society.  Naomi and Mary both went to school with the Celtarian children, and Tonapa would be joining them the following year, as would Renlay and George’s little one.  

Almost all the members of the crew had found engaging and stimulating work on Celtar.  Neelix had opened a restaurant in the capital city, and both Kes and Samantha Wildman had decided to study medicine.  They had become doctors at the same hospital where Alaman worked.  Mike Ayala ran a private security firm that provided guards for banks, museums and wealthy institutions.  Ken Dalby had opened a hardware store.  Megan Delaney worked at a local preschool. 

There had been some losses, too.  Gerron, the young angry Bajoran, had disappeared one day in a stolen shuttle.  His disappearance had pained the entire community, and although they had sent out many search parties, the young man had never been found.  Kes and Neelix had been unable to have children, and, lacking the expansive knowledge of _Voyager_ ’s EMH, Alaman and the other doctors at the hospital had not found a suitable fertility treatment.  Keith Rockefeller had been struck by an incurable disease in their second year on Celtar Prime; his had been the first and only funeral so far.  Not everything was perfect, but everybody agreed that the decision to come to Celtar Prime had been the right one.

The banquet hall was lavishly decorated in blue and silver.  White tablecloths adorned the tables, and in the center of each table sat a vase of bright blue flowers.  There was a dance floor for later, and a small stage where a live band would play.  The smells of grilled meats, roasted vegetables and rich desserts wafted through the room.

When everyone was seated and the first course was served, Neelix tapped his spoon against his glass to get everyone’s attention.  “Thank you for coming to the annual _Voyager_ banquet!  It’s so good to see you all here.  It’s hard to believe that four years ago, we were just a rag-tag group of drifters struggling to make ends meet.  Now, look at us!  We’re successful businesspeople, doctors, lawyers, shop owners and teachers.  We have wives and husbands and children!”  He glanced down at Kes, seated by his side, and placed a hand on her shoulder.  “And it’s all thanks to our Celtarian friends.  Here’s to them!”  Neelix raised a glass, and everyone else did the same.  The wine was sweet and fruity, with just a hint of fizz.  After savoring his first sip, Neelix gestured to Janeway with a wink.  “Now, I’m going to turn the floor over to Kathryn, because I think she has a few words to say.”

“She always has something to say!” someone shouted from the crowd, and everyone laughed.

Janeway stood and looked around the large banquet hall at the faces before her, the faces of people who had become her family.  “As Neelix said, it’s so good to see you all here.  I was telling Chakotay earlier that this time of year always makes me think about the year and a half we spent together on a desolate, primitive planet with no technology and very little hope.  Those were hard times, and there were many days when I was close to despair.  But we survived.

“Like so many of our ancestors before us, we were strangers in a strange land.  When Cullah left us on Hanon IV, he meant to destroy us.  But instead, he made us stronger.  Since that day, we have enhanced the societies we have come into contact with, and we have grown better by their examples, too.  Our community has grown, our love for each other deepened, and our bonds strengthened.  So here’s to all of you, to those of us from _Voyager_ who journeyed so far to find a home, and to our friends and extended family who took us in and helped us build one.”

“Hear, hear!” everyone exclaimed.  They raised their glasses and toasted, clinking glasses all around.  The remaining courses were served, and then the party was in full swing, with dancing, more food and drink, and games for the children.

Much later, as many couples whirled around the dance floor and Harry took his place in the band, Janeway escaped from the noisy party to a quiet balcony behind the hall which overlooked a large lake.  The moon shone like silver over the water, which was still as glass.  Kathryn breathed in the cool evening air, inhaling the scent of flowers and trees, and looked up at the stars, twinkling in the sky.  Somewhere out there was Earth, her mother, her sister, friends and family she had known for her entire life.  On a night like this, the stars seemed so close, she felt like she could reach out and touch them.  But they were so far away.  So far away.  She heard soft footsteps approaching and then felt strong arms encircle her from behind, coming to rest on her swollen belly.  “Where’s Tona?” she asked.

“He’s playing with Mary.  B’El is watching them,” replied her husband as he nuzzled her cheek.  “Stargazing again?”

She nodded, settling back against him.  “They’re out there, somewhere, Chakotay, our families and friends, the life we had in the Alpha Quadrant.”

“Do you regret the decision to stay here instead of continuing our journey?”

When they had arrived on Celtar Prime, there had been much discussion about whether the _Voyager_ crew would attempt to continue their journey towards the Alpha Quadrant.  But Celtarian ships couldn’t travel faster than warp two, and it would have taken them years to construct a ship that even came close to matching Voyager’s capabilities.  Resuming their journey immediately would have meant splitting up into smaller groups, and that was something they had unanimously agreed not to do.  

Janeway and Chakotay had allowed the crew to vote over whether they wanted to spend the next several years constructing a faster ship which had the weapons and defensive capabilities necessary for a journey through the Delta Quadrant.  Janeway had been surprised when the crew had voted unanimously against the idea.  But at that point, she had been several months pregnant with Tonapa, and she, too, wanted to concentrate on building a home on Celtar Prime rather than putting her energy into moving again.  After a year of living a nomadic life on Hanon IV, everyone seemed to feel the same way.  “No, I don’t regret it, but I still miss them.”

“Me, too.  I think we always will, but they will always be a part of us, and we will pass their stories on to our children.”  He paused.  “Who knows?  Maybe someday the Federation will perfect transwarp technology and travel between the Alpha Quadrant and the Delta Quadrant will become commonplace.”

“I doubt that will be in our lifetime.”

“Maybe not.  But you never know.  Tona’s children might get to meet their biological cousins someday.”

Kathryn smiled at the thought.  “I hope so.”  She turned around in Chakotay’s arms and laced her hands behind his neck, her stomach protruding between them.  “I don’t regret any of it, Chakotay.  One different step, and I wouldn’t be here now, with you.  We wouldn’t have our family.”  She paused to trace his tattoo with her fingers, something that she had done countless times in their years together.  “Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if Tom had succeeded in bringing the Talaxians back, and they had retaken _Voyager_ and returned to rescue us.”

He ran one hand gently through her hair and cupped her cheek with the other.  “Our lives would have been very different.”

“Would they have been better?  I’m not so sure.  If you think about all the dangers and evil we faced in our first two years in the Delta Quadrant, there’s nothing to say that it would have gotten any easier.”  She paused, leaning into his touch.  “I don’t think I ever would have given into my feelings for you, or accepted yours for me.  We certainly never would have had Tonapa.  It might have been a very lonely life.”

“I don’t think I would have ever allowed you to be lonely, Kathryn.  Even if we had only been friends, you would never have been alone.”

She smiled and turned her face to kiss his palm.  “Even so, everyone has blossomed on Celtar.  I love our life here.  I love my life with you.  And even if I had the choice, I wouldn’t change any of it.”

Chakotay felt tears in his eyes as he looked at his wife’s beautiful face in the moonlight.  Her blue eyes shone with her own unshed tears, and he cupped her face between his hands and pressed a kiss to her lips.  Then he slipped behind her and held her close, both their hands resting over the new life inside her as they stood in the moonlight, breathing in the fresh, clean, sweet-smelling air.

For years, they had been strangers in a strange land.  But now, they were finally home.  



End file.
